Untill you change above mentioned inner voice, there is nothing I can do to help you

I don't want any help. I am just giving my honest reactions to posts on this board, and writing down my own thoughts about my situation. If it helps me, fine. It usually helps me to crystalize my thoughts by writing them out.

Our pastor made an interesting presentation at our Men's Breakfast this morning. There is a site on the web about an ex-USAF fighter pilot who felt compelled to take up drawing after retirement. He had a dream that he was commanded to learn drawing and draw pictures of what Jesus would look like appearing to people in common professions as these people go about their daily tasks. So we see truck drivers with Jesus sitting behind them with His hands guiding theirs on the steering wheel, etc. Our pastor asked for our responses to these images. I said I feel a spirit rather than a physical presence; in other words, I don't see his physical, corporeal image; rather, a spirit giving me peace and letting me know not to take things so seriously and not to let ordinary stresses bother my peace of mind and spirit. Anyway, our pastor said that he believes many times we can find the spirit of Jesus and his love and compassion in our dealings with other people, rather than in our individual existences. So, his charge to us was to look for ways in our daily lives, especially on a Friday workday, to find love and compassion and share it with others. So-o-o-o, in this spirit, I will tell those who think of me as negative and envious and critical that the only thing I have to bring to this board is a honest reaction to their posts. That is my way of showing support. If you think of this as negative, critical, bitchy, well can a leopard change his spots?

P.S. This is not a religious tract, or sermonizing or proselytizing or anything. If as a Jew or Muslim or Hindu, you are are offended by my referencing Jesus, I am not sorry. I am just referring to the qualities of love and compassion Jesus showed to the world as an alternate way of looking at the world, rather than the view of the Romans of the time that force and power were what were most important.

"The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong in the broken places." - Ernest Hemingway, A Farewell to Arms, 1929.