Has anyone here tried this book and/or the exercises within? My WS and I are going to try one or more of them this weekend in a effort to put more communication/interest/excitement into our sex life. I have suggested the Sensory Awakening Ritual or Learning to be aware of your breathing. I would like to know if anyone on the board has tried any of the exercises in this book or in tantric sex and what your experience has been.
By the way, this is the link to My Home. MY HOME. I am the one who has been raising hell with Uncle NY, Tambo and others.
"The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong in the broken places." - Ernest Hemingway, A Farewell to Arms, 1929.
A lot of people hold their breath as they hit their crescendo just as they climax. If you deeply, rhythmically inhale exhale it will extend and delay your climax. It makes it very 'primal'.
When I am giving oral, (do I have to say it? to a woman, Jackasses I heard you thinking it.) I will stop when I hear her start to hold her breath, for a couple seconds and say 'breathe'. Then resume. I keep this up untill she freaks out and explodes uncontrollably or follows directions and explodes uncontrollably. Either way its a Big Bang. LOL
As a guy you can delay by tucking your chin to your chest hard and deeply breathing in nose out mouth.
Havent read that particular book, thanks more reading to do. Oh well, they are always the favorites on the bookshelf for the curious.
When I am giving oral, (do I have to say it? to a woman, Jackasses I heard you thinking it.) I will stop when I hear her start to hold her breath, for a couple seconds and say 'breathe'. Then resume,
When I am giving my WS oral, I will sometimes pause, just because my jaw is getting tired. When we talk about it later, my WS says is heightens the sensation because it draws out the foreplay and leading up to the orgasm. I always know I can bring her to orgasm with oral sex, even when rubbing her with my fingers doesn't work. I guess my lips and tongue are softer and more moist then my fingers. I also give her a back and forth flicking with my tongue, which I wish I could keep up longer because it really excites her, but, I unfortunately don't have the tongue or jaw strength to do it for very long.
Further on the dominance/submission tack, you can get the whole gamut of advice on this board. When I first started posting, Uncle NY said I should greet my WS at the end of each day by taking her two hands, gazing soulfully into her eyes, being more aware of what she is thinking and feeling at a particular moment. Chrissy seems to think, what, I am not sure, but I think she means I should confront my WS about the fact that she did not tell me about the 12-year affair and that I only found out about it through the OM's wife. Well, that's what makes a horse race.
"The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong in the broken places." - Ernest Hemingway, A Farewell to Arms, 1929.
Chrissy seems to think, what, I am not sure, but I think she means I should confront my WS about the fact that she did not tell me about the 12-year affair and that I only found out about it through the OM's wife. Well, that's what makes a horse race.
No Chrissy wants to make sure you are looking at all the facts. And face them now and confront the anger from it while in C instead of waking up two years from now and find someone moved the rug you swept issues under.
I want you to realize that your wife saying she is sorry for the hurt she caused you is different from I am sorry for having a affair. And that she would probably still be decieving you today if his wife had not found out about the affair and think through how that makes you feel and confront it. None of the affair being over was brought on by your wifes doing or even wanting it to end. And that is profound in itself and you have stated how it ended does not matter but it does. I see things other then anger in your post I see denial and wishful thinking and it makes me sad because obviously you love this lady a awful lot that you are willing to stay with someone that has been having a relationship with another person as long as you have been together, And if you can forgive someone and work with a C I would hope it covers the whole reality of the sitch.
I had a EA. I to regret the hurt it caused my H. But I do not regret the EA. That is truth plain and simple. It was not a sexual affair. But it was a relationship not affair. Affairs do not last for years without becoming a relationship normally. We talked about our children and our wants and hopes in life. Not a life with each other but we shared through conversation every aspect of our lifes. Down to the daily housework we had done. This man knew me better then the man I lived with. After 12 years your wife and the OM had to be on this same level to some degree. Dual lifes as I stated before. My two worlds collided and my H found out just like you wifes and I agreed to no more contact with this person . But I think about them almost daily. When things are bad I still tend to want to run to (call) this person for support and understanding. But I do not. I come here instead and talk to cyber people.
My H has faced most of his anger about this but at times it crops up things he never thought about ways to look at the sitch. And it is making the healing process slow. Just hoping it goes easier for you and trying to point out somethings that are important that you may be deluding yourself into believing means nothing.
Just hoping it goes easier for you and trying to point out somethings that are important that you may be deluding yourself into believing means nothing.
I never said the affair or the way I found out about it means nothing. I said there is not point in analyzing to death what can't be changed. It's over; my WS has said no contact, and as far as I can tell there has been none. I'll have to take that on faith. If it turns out not to be true, then I'm f*cked. But I am not "deluding" myself about anything. If I were I wouldn't have brought all of this up before the board. Much of the anger I have expressed in this board toward a certain type of woman who says she wants to be independent and make here own decisions and then hooks up with a man who lays down the law and makes all the important decisions in her life was created long before the affair. The affair added to the anger, but did not create it out of nothing. I have already told my WS several times that the fact that I didn't find out about the affair from her broke a lot of trust; affairs are not neat and tied up. I have also learned from this board and from readings and my personal experience that affairs are not tidy little events that can be analyzed and explained in a few sentences. Affairs are very confusing and involved and no two are exactly alike. Also, I don't feel much support from your posts; more a judgment that I am "deluding" myself about what is going on and that I should be more like a real man and stand up to my WS. I suppose what is sauce for the goose is good for the gander; since when I have confronted our dear Uncle NY with my reactions to his posts, I get a deluge of criticism, "verbal abuse", "verbal attacks", "Christ-killing". So I guess you could call that being hoisted on my own petard.
My WS has said she thinks about the OM; how often, I don't know, maybe often, maybe not. Everyday, I don't know. I do know that they couldn't have had a 12-year relationship without her keeping many memories about him. I do also know that when she read the letter that the OM wrote about my WS to his wife, she was very hurt because he referred to their phone sex at "free pornography" that he used just like Internet sex without having to pay for.
I have gotten a lot of support from other sources, however. From our MC, who has pointed out that my wife may be suffering from mild depression, which she agrees with. I don't know if medication is necessary. The MC mentioned it but didn't press the issue. Also, I feel supported from our minister, who said, "You would be surprised at how many marriages I consider good marriages have had to deal with affairs."
Maybe this is a woman thing. The old stereotype is a man will look at issues on a case by case basis, one a time individually, then decide yes or no, up or down; and not spend a lot of time analyzing the decision once it's made. The stereotype is the woman will look at issues as all one big whole; will go back and forth from one issue to another, look for connections, continuously evaluating and analyzing. Never making a simple decision on one issue by itself. Multi-tasking for the woman versus single issues at a time by the man. I have approached this catastrophe by looking at everything involved as clearly as I could, and deciding to move forward by trying to rebuild trust through working with the MC and trying to find out what my WS is thinking and feeling.
As far as the Sexual Ecstasy exercises, we tried a Sensual Awareness exercise this weekend. It seemed to go well. The exercise involves blindfolding the partner, leading him/her into the bedroom, guiding the partner through using all five senses (smell, taste, touch, hearing, seeing) with various exercises. They are described in the Margot Anand book. Something that surprised me was that I hadn't expected to become sexually aroused, but did, so we made love afterward. The book says you may want to follow the exercise with lovemaking, which we did, but I hadn't expected it. I didn't try the breathing exercise that BF suggested because by then, I was pretty much "exercise'd out."
"The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong in the broken places." - Ernest Hemingway, A Farewell to Arms, 1929.
This was a great post. It had a lot of detail to it. Sorry I kept pressing and that you feel that I am not being supportive. Not my intent to make you feel that way thats for sure.
and that I should be more like a real man and stand up to my WS
I really do not know where this comes from I do not think I have stated anything about standing up to your wife. I am not of the impression that you do not or even need to.
The exercise involves blindfolding the partner, leading him/her into the bedroom, guiding the partner through using all five senses (smell, taste, touch, hearing, seeing) with various exercises.
This sounds very interesting I may have to look this one up. But before I run out and get the book if you could enlighten me on the purpose (other then shear fun) of this exercise.
This sounds very interesting I may have to look this one up. But before I run out and get the book if you could enlighten me on the purpose (other then shear fun) of this exercise.
The idea, I assume, is that the partner who is going through the exercise will become more aware of his/her five senses, since only one will be used at a time, and he/she will be blindfolded and thus concentrating on the one sense and not be distracted by vision. Tantra means "weaving", so I guess the intent is to become more aware of each sense and then become aware of how all senses are "woven" together to form one whole. Some of the tantra exercises are bizarre; I am not putting on a turban and loincloth and dancing for my wife!! But the Sensory Awareness exercise and others look interesting. I haven't tried any yet; the Sensory exercise I did with my WS is for one to lead and the other to experience and then the roles to be switched. So, I am waiting for what my WS will come up with.
Quote: Skills for Enhancing Intimacy Partners learn the delicate art of seduction and of awakening the five senses. Then they express their vision of the god or goddess within as they dance for each other. They develop humor and playfulness in love,a nd harmonize their energies in a soul-to-soul communion.
The Sensory Awakening Ritual The Dancing Gods The Inner Smile Soul Gazing
This all sounds reasonable, but the book has an illustration of some doofus who looks like Gunga Din hopping around on one foot.
Here's a short description from another site:
The ancient cult of Tantra originated in India's earliest tribal societies, long predating the first Tantric texts, which were probably written in the sixth century CE. The Sanskrit word tantra is related to the concept of weaving and expansion - it derives from tan, meaning to expand, spin out, and weave. We weave the disparate strands of our nature into a unified whole, and so grow and expand into joy. Tantra can also refer to those teachings in the sacred Hindu texts that are generally presented in the form of a dialog between the god Shiva and his consort Shakti, whose joyful coupling creates and sustains the universe.
I guess the Dancing Gods are Shiva and Shakti. Maybe somebody else on this BB who knows a lot more about Hindu culture can explain better than I.
"The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong in the broken places." - Ernest Hemingway, A Farewell to Arms, 1929.
