Chrissy seems to think, what, I am not sure, but I think she means I should confront my WS about the fact that she did not tell me about the 12-year affair and that I only found out about it through the OM's wife. Well, that's what makes a horse race.
No Chrissy wants to make sure you are looking at all the facts. And face them now and confront the anger from it while in C instead of waking up two years from now and find someone moved the rug you swept issues under.
I want you to realize that your wife saying she is sorry for the hurt she caused you is different from I am sorry for having a affair. And that she would probably still be decieving you today if his wife had not found out about the affair and think through how that makes you feel and confront it. None of the affair being over was brought on by your wifes doing or even wanting it to end. And that is profound in itself and you have stated how it ended does not matter but it does. I see things other then anger in your post I see denial and wishful thinking and it makes me sad because obviously you love this lady a awful lot that you are willing to stay with someone that has been having a relationship with another person as long as you have been together, And if you can forgive someone and work with a C I would hope it covers the whole reality of the sitch.
I had a EA. I to regret the hurt it caused my H. But I do not regret the EA. That is truth plain and simple. It was not a sexual affair. But it was a relationship not affair. Affairs do not last for years without becoming a relationship normally. We talked about our children and our wants and hopes in life. Not a life with each other but we shared through conversation every aspect of our lifes. Down to the daily housework we had done. This man knew me better then the man I lived with. After 12 years your wife and the OM had to be on this same level to some degree. Dual lifes as I stated before. My two worlds collided and my H found out just like you wifes and I agreed to no more contact with this person . But I think about them almost daily. When things are bad I still tend to want to run to (call) this person for support and understanding. But I do not. I come here instead and talk to cyber people.
My H has faced most of his anger about this but at times it crops up things he never thought about ways to look at the sitch. And it is making the healing process slow. Just hoping it goes easier for you and trying to point out somethings that are important that you may be deluding yourself into believing means nothing.
