I think one of the keys to harmony in a household is that each family member should have a stash of snacks that are off limits to others. My late husband and I had our own cookie jars. And we asked if we could dip into the other's cookie jar (hmmm, that sounds naughty, doesn't it? ) Some of us <ahem> when through our cookies faster than others and sometimes needed a loan.
He was a potter, and one year for Christmas I asked him to make cookie jar pairs for some couples that we knew. That way H and W could have their own snacks (candy, chips, etc.) and not worry about coming home and finding that the sour-cream-onion-ranch-mesquite-sea-salt-pita-chips were all gone because their spouse had eaten the whole bag while they were at work!
There are communal snacks, of course, but you always have your special stash and you know it's safe from raiders.
Separate and inviolate snacks make for a peaceful, happy household. That and plenty of great sex.
BTW, hairdog, I saw that pudding incident last night on CNN. Honey's right-- you really ARE good looking! Didn't you notice Anderson Cooper out in the driveway interviewing your neighbors about the brown creamy stains on your kitchen windows? I think it's going to be covered on Meet the Press this weekend, too. Big relief for that Alito guy to finally be edged off the front page!
Paul: I lived in KC, she lived in Columbia (2 hours away). The reason I stayed in KC and she eventually moved here was because I have three other kids from marriage #1.
And let's get real here: running away from one's problems never works, at least not permanently. Plus, isn't there something about "you can never go back"?
No, I hate to say it, but she just brings out this old saw whenever she feels like b*tchin' about something that she did for me, to prove what a taker I am, and what a giver she is. It's just taken me a while to figure this out.
A-HA. Caught in the Word Nazis trap. Very good Lil you saw it. So we will wait for that answer.
You answer was valid HD, and pretty confidant. So own all those things.
And yes HD is damn good looking. Great smile. and his wife is fairly strong too, so it appears.
Part of the reason you feel so calm is because you have the knowledge of where her acting out is coming from. You can observe it, and stating that her actions are not acceptable, defines your boundary, pushes her back out of your space, and you notice she acquieses to the 'request', but soon works around to another boundary test. It engages you in the convo, because you are looking for the next one.
It makes it interesting for you, removes personalizing, and makes her feel as if you are paying attention, which you are, by not shutting her out and down. It validates. Women want to be understood, you do that by listening, without solutions. Untill they have returned from emotionalville. (honestly this applies to people, not just women.)
So, she's testing me. Really? You dont say!
important, and I will keep saying this. It is subconscious, not intentional.
for use only in DD4's lunches, not for the other kids (her step kids) to snack upon: Well, it seems kind of exclusionary to me. Me too, maybe something along the lines of I would like for us to be a family, not your family, and my family but all of us on the same team.
If you do this Remember do not look for validation when you do. It will rock her some more I suspect though that is not the intent, my intent for you to do so. W-' HD is cool, detached, not taking my crap, but still talking about us being together and tighter then before? He doenst even bring up ML even when I am grabby. He isnt grabby. WTHIGO!?'
So ditto to Lil get all the kids their 'own' snack.
another comment. I made a remark about a negative push, and what that looked like.
Do you know what a positive push is? Hint Baltoman did it.
Darnit another thought. She is not 'in pain'. You are not causing it, specifically by being mean, subversive intent etc. You actions are causing various feelings to flow thru her. Women express this with tears. She doesnt like to be out of control (not strong), so attacks come with the vulnerability.
Think Hootie and the Blowfish. Let her cry, it gets out the negative, and sort of climaxes her emotional rollercoaster. Itll settle down after awhile.
question for the plaintiff, How long have things been not great? I know, not a good lawyer question. not yes or no, unknown response.
SuperDave.
I dont know how long you have been following along here. Your request doesnt quite work like you asked me to give a solution too you. You may and probably can 'get this' but its gonna take some more work (changes) from you to do it.
I would have to be able to see (via you posting) your current interactions to offer any suggestions.
that separate snack thing would never work in the GGB household. The kids are like locusts. They descend upon the kitchen and eat everything in sight until there is nothing more, then complain they are hungry.
The halloween stashes are a perfect example. They each have, er well had, their own bag of the loot they collected. Well those bags have been throroughly cross-raided and pilfered so that there is nothing left but the hot tamales. All of them accuse the others of stealing their candy. No one did it, mind. Nope, no one. Darned cat must have figured out how to unwrap snickers bars with nary a scratch!
When I buy things that are for school lunches its hands off to all for any other reason. But there are the just bought its that are free for all for all of the kids.
I do not tend to buy anything for one paticular child. Don't find it fair to the others. This includes if one is with me and the others are not and I buy one a drink and candy I buy and take home for all.
I think HD sitch is harder then mine though. He has the dynamic of yours and mine going on in his house. That adds a different twist of what seems fair or favortism. I feel for him on this one. I know it must be hard to deal with.
Even the don't touch stuff occasionally get raided. we finally had to say this pack of xxx has to last until y. If you kids finish it off before then, then it is tough nuggies, you'll just have to do without a desert/snack in your lunches. most of the time that works, but every once in a while one of the kids we didn't know we had, you know not-me, or I-didn't, or ida-know, gets into the cookies and eats them all up. I'm quite sure it is not the dog or the cat, as the package is always neatly closed back up. My personal favorite is going to get a box of say triscuits out, opening it up to find an empty bag inside. Whomever is snitching doesn't want to leave the evidence of a box in the trashcan. Yup, that drives me bonkers.
but every once in a while one of the kids we didn't know we had, you know not-me, or I-didn't, or ida-know, gets into the cookies and eats them all up.
How funny I have some of them there peeps creeping around my house to!
as the package is always neatly closed back up.
Hmmm maybe I need to start looking at the cat then. Mine are hardly ever neatly closed.
My personal favorite is going to get a box of say triscuits out, opening it up to find an empty bag inside.
) Some of us <ahem> when through our cookies faster than others and sometimes needed a loan. 
