A-HA. Caught in the Word Nazis trap. Very good Lil you saw it. So we will wait for that answer.

You answer was valid HD, and pretty confidant. So own all those things.

And yes HD is damn good looking. Great smile. and his wife is fairly strong too, so it appears.

Part of the reason you feel so calm is because you have the knowledge of where her acting out is coming from. You can observe it, and stating that her actions are not acceptable, defines your boundary, pushes her back out of your space, and you notice she acquieses to the 'request', but soon works around to another boundary test. It engages you in the convo, because you are looking for the next one.

It makes it interesting for you, removes personalizing, and makes her feel as if you are paying attention, which you are, by not shutting her out and down. It validates.
Women want to be understood, you do that by listening, without solutions. Untill they have returned from emotionalville. (honestly this applies to people, not just women.)

So, she's testing me. Really? You dont say!

important, and I will keep saying this. It is subconscious, not intentional.

for use only in DD4's lunches, not for the other kids (her step kids) to snack upon: Well, it seems kind of exclusionary to me. Me too, maybe something along the lines of I would like for us to be a family, not your family, and my family but all of us on the same team.

If you do this Remember do not look for validation when you do. It will rock her some more I suspect though that is not the intent, my intent for you to do so. W-' HD is cool, detached, not taking my crap, but still talking about us being together and tighter then before? He doenst even bring up ML even when I am grabby. He isnt grabby. WTHIGO!?'

So ditto to Lil get all the kids their 'own' snack.

another comment.
I made a remark about a negative push, and what that looked like.

Do you know what a positive push is? Hint Baltoman did it.

Darnit another thought. She is not 'in pain'. You are not causing it, specifically by being mean, subversive intent etc. You actions are causing various feelings to flow thru her. Women express this with tears. She doesnt like to be out of control (not strong), so attacks come with the vulnerability.

Think Hootie and the Blowfish. Let her cry, it gets out the negative, and sort of climaxes her emotional rollercoaster. Itll settle down after awhile.

question for the plaintiff, How long have things been not great? I know, not a good lawyer question. not yes or no, unknown response.



SuperDave.

I dont know how long you have been following along here. Your request doesnt quite work like you asked me to give a solution too you. You may and probably can 'get this' but its gonna take some more work (changes) from you to do it.

I would have to be able to see (via you posting) your current interactions to offer any suggestions.