Quote: Do you ever answer a question? Is that a lawyer thing? LOL.
What question? (Hairdog scrolls back in the thread...oh...this one?):
Quote: Oh yeah What reasons does she have for loving you? What ties and common LL do you have. How much history is there?
What reasons does she have for loving me? Come on, blackie, what's not to love? I'm a dependable, happy guy. I'm a great dad. I don't do drugs, smoke or drink (excessively). I don't beat her, the kids, or the dogs. We share the same politics, for the most part. I'm smart. I'm reasonably attractive. I'm healthy. LLs? I'll get into that later. But first:
You, my friend, are definitely onto something with the "she's testing you" suggestion. Last night she totally exploded when I made the following comment about the fact that we have chocolate pudding cups in the refrigerator that are "reserved" for use only in DD4's lunches, not for the other kids (her step kids) to snack upon: Well, it seems kind of exclusionary to me.
You would have thought I'd said, "you fat psycho b!tch...let me enumerate the ways you have ruined my life."
Anyway, I refused to engage, beyond the statement: "I did not have any evil intent in saying that. I was stating my opinion. It's only pudding. Please calm down."
She finally stormed off, up to the bedroom, and, after about an hour, I went upstairs and tried to talk with her. She was full of accusations, and anger, and hopelessness, and wanted to D, to move away, etc.
And I let her vent away. When she got loud, I asked her to keep it down. When she said something nasty to me, I asked her to not say that, and asked her if there was a way to make her point without dissing me.
I felt totally calm. (Is this the meds? or is this me, older and wiser?) I wasn't "holier than thou" as she has often accused me of being. I was just calm.
She basically concluded that there was too much stress in her life, most of it caused by my ex, my kids, her decision to move from her perfect career and her perfect house in her perfect town, to this job/house/city she hates. All of this I have heard before. I am calm.
I tell her, "I don't like to see you so unhappy. It saddens me to know that you feel this way. But you know, one thing I've learned from going to the Buddhist Center, from reading the books about Buddhism...the one really clear idea that I 'get' from it: the only thing that you can truly control is your attitude."
And of course she said that she thinks that is bullsh!t, that only monks are able to do it.
"Maybe only monks are able to do it consistently and constantly, but I have really found that, after the initial emotional flood of anger or sadness or despair, I can work on myself and look at it all, and change my attitude. It doesn't always happen easily, but I think it can be done. I don't know if this is the answer for you and your stress, but it is working for me, and ... thanks for introducing me to the readings and the religion which showed me that it's possible."
I wish I could say that everything after that point was wonderful, but it wasn't. I didn't expect it to be. But here's an indication that something struck home with her: Earlier in our argument, I asked her about whether she might be free during today (I'm off for Vet's day) and I'd be happy to bring her some lunch. She said "no way...do you know how busy my day is? I don't even have time to wait for my lunch to warm up in the microwave. I put it in, go back to my office to do three more minutes of work, then get it and eat it in my office while I work." Well, this morning, on her way out the door she said, "I'd like to go to lunch with you to the [restaurant]."
Wow. We just went from no time to eat with me, to let's go out and spend money on lunch. (I had purposely suggested making lunch for her to deflect any argument that we can't afford it. Smart, that boy, eh?)
So, she's testing me.
I'll let you know how it goes. I have to get ready.
Hairdog, who thanks our brave veterans, and hopes our boys come home soon.
