Okay, okay... ya got me... I didn't really want to know... I just pretended because I thought you'd been neglected lately and I wanted to massage your ego... dang! you're good! You saw right through me!
Have you spoken to the doctor about all the side effects/withdrawl that you are suffering from the decrease in medications? He may recommend that you decrease them at a slower rate. Giving your body a chance to adjust and realign to the lower doses. I am in the process of changing out my sons GSD meds. One he has to be tapered on to the other tapered off of they have it set up on a 12 week cycle for this to happen. All to prevent the seizures. She has told me several time she will adjust the dosage chart if he seems to have to many negative side effects. 12 weeks seems to be the norm though.
Just a thought that you may need to inform your doc ot the side effects and see if slowing down your decrease may be warrented for your own mental sake
Ok thats better. Knowing I passed the test internally is ego stroking enough. If you do it to I will collapse from the weight of it.
LFL just thouroughly enjoyed smacking me down. I want to reply to that, but will wait for others to make their comments first. There is truth in consensus. (thats for Cobra.)
it seems to be awful quick to me to lower the dosages weekly. I dont know your diet otherwise, but you been messing with brain chemistry for a bit. Its gonna affect you, halving it is-- wow. alot.
On to your Ice princess.
I said before that the new Strong, earning and requiring respect HD was going to be tested. I said it may even get upped on occasions. She loves power, and will neither give it up easily nor believe quickly. It does effect her rapidly though. and that is why it has to be tested so strongly by her. Because her perceptions of it in the past let her down.
This is subconcious in all likelyhood. OK. So do not TAKE it PERSONAL. Gosh will that be possible? with meds and such. If it is I will come and sit at the feet of Hair Dog to become learned in the arts of strongness.
Actually I think the meds is a double edged sword in your favor. Any slip up can be blamed on them and your dissasociation because of it will be taken as detached.
Repeat, dont take it too far.
So her code
I basically started crying, and couldn't stop. I wasn't keening or wailing; I just couldn't stop the tears. This is totally not like me, and it kind of freaked her out.
Cool a serious 180. She wants to know what does it mean, Why did he do that. She is on high alert now, watching you.
W calls me and asks how it went proof of high alert.
After I told her that I didn't want to discuss it, she paused, and then said, "We're going nowhere. Our marriage is going nowhere."
Test. She wants to know where you are. Cant say HD 'where are you' (words arent truth) so throws out a negative to see if you agree. Are you strong and for the marriage in love with her still( dont say either yet. IMO) or does she need to lock herself down from the pain that will come from losing you. prepare for battle so to speak.
We're going nowhere if you can't trust me enough to share your discussions with the MC with me.
double test. she heard you the first time, but you normally do as told. second she needs to know answer. Its important and scary to her.
Okay, so I guess even though I'm the one suffering from the weird-azz side effects, I have to treat her with consideration (translation: tell her everything I told the MC about her) before I am entitled to consideration.
<buzzer> wrong translation. personalized. but you realized she was putting her needs above yours. This is unattractive to a woman. I will explain more.
A woman wants you to meet her needs, and will tell you how to do it. But if you do it whenever, whereever, however she tells you AND at the expense of your needs, <buzzer> wrong thing to do. (See Lil's test of me above.) A woman cannot trust a man that subjugates, supplicates, or places his needs lower then hers. End of story. she will not open her heart or her legs to him.
I hung up. Wild cheering for HD putting his needs above wifes.
Reaction, (remember words lie always watch the body language and actions)
she was apologetic, somewhat. And she was touchy-feely, somewhat. supplicating, submissive, using last resort technique, I.E. PT.
pushed her hand away politely more cheering for passing last resort technique. politely, without anger, or resentment, or any negative vibe. Gosh I am vibrating with being so pleased with things.
This morning she called me at work and said that she missed me. standard girl code. she is thinking about you. What is happening. Where does she stand. Push/pull dynamic. Very good sign.
Well, I just wish you were here. MC said you were supposed to be more confident and try initiating. See. I told you women tell you exactly how to fill their needs. its just indirect. MC fault not hers. You guys are practically in dating mode. Physical escalation cannot be the females fault.
Sheesh! It's hard enough to get to sleep after having been pushed away. It's hard enough to face yet another Saturday or Sunday after having been pushed away. Getting rejected first thing in the morning on a work day sounds like my favorite way to start the day. Not."
Danger, personalizing, fearing rejection, resentment. NO, NO. What would a confidant devil may care HD say to this? What would ballsy initial R HD say to this?
Yes, she says that I didn't check with her before deciding to go off of it, and that I should have done that, and then we could have planned a better time to do this when there is "less stress" in our lives. I take it you didnt initiate. So she is back to negative testing, Why is he doing this, what does he mean. She is the weaker vessel. The emotionally vulnerable one. So she is prepping for the worst. You are acting so different, why dont you care anymore? are you leaving her? She is off balance. Maybe a Good time to do a nice gesture, loving gesture, I am thinking of you, and love you gesture. With out strings or neediness. Calibrate and decide.
I told her no Excellent. Strong, taking care of your needs. Ignore her words they are fear inspired. Watch her actions, reassure her -occasionally- let her continue to reach out physically. Watch for real seduction, different actions, especially in the moring. Did she change and typical behavior? Get up with you, chat with you, etc?
She's trying to control me. I don't give a sh!t. No and almost. she is testing you. Dont care if she leaves, she wont. and dont be indifferent.
Lovingly detached.
Proceed normally, don't share any weird feelings I'm having with her, learn from this. Yes, maybe occasionally and yes.
I want to state for the record that I see a couple of things going on. Im not going to deal with the second right now, just want to be able to point back and say remember when I said....
Its not important right now, you have a lot on your plate already. Well get to it.
Cool?
Thanks for the email, TTYS.
Oh yeah What reasons does she have for loving you? What ties and common LL do you have. How much history is there?
Oh yeah again. When she says take care of x, or stand up to her or whatever, this is a way for you to become strong for you and attractive to her. its a win win for you, and another example of her telling you exactly what she needs. Its for your benefit and self improvement.
Wow, bf. Thanks for the lengthy analysis. It's kind of funny, because, I have been getting lots of support and analysis of what's going on in my M from the women on this board and from a female friend, but not much from the guys. Nothing against the guys on this board, but most of them, like me, are dealing with the insecurities that come from the SSM situation. It's refreshing and eye-opening to hear the alpha-male point of view. (Nopkins used to do this, but Ms.Nop has him too busy these days mopping the floor and baking cookies. )
As far as the meds side/effects thing, I'm already feeling a lot better than I was feeling early in the week. And dang, I almost busted a gut when I read this:
Quote: Actually I think the meds is a double edged sword in your favor. Any slip up can be blamed on them and your dissasociation because of it will be taken as detached.
Which is exactly what I've been doing. Although I agree with you that I have to be careful with this. In fact, this morning she blamed something I said on the meds, and I told her that no, I was feeling fine and lucid and that it wasn't "the meds talking." (I think I had said something to her like, 'you don't need to speak to me with such anger in your voice.') In response to that, she said, "well, if that's the 'real' you, then I think it's all over." She's doing a lot of the "I can't take this anymore" stuff, and before, I used to placate her. Now, I just stay quiet or say, "want me to call realtor, or do you?"
We actually parted this morning on fair terms, and I feel pretty good about everything. It's hard to see her struggling so much with this -- you never want to see someone you love going through a painful time. And yet, I totally understand the need to be the strong one. As you said, "What would ballsy initial R HD say to this?" Maybe I need to get a bumper sticker with "WWBIRHDD?" on it. Definitely words to live by.
Thanks again, and thanks to Lil and Chrissy and GEL for your comments, too. To summarize: I'm fine with the meds, and yes, there is never a convenient time to inconvenience Ms.Hdog.
Hairy, Do you see what I've been telling you? She likes strong, confident men...this blip of temporary neediness with the drug stoppage has thrown her for a loop. She doesn't WANT you to not be the normal Hairy; someone she has to cut some slack and take care of. She wants the security of strong, competent, simple (as opposed to high maintenance) HD. She doesn't like it when things are shaken up and SHE is the one who is required to be the strong silent one.
She is SO a girl, albeit a notverynice one sometimes.
Btw, loved being on your side o the state. Kids had a great time visiting and I instructed everyone to give a hearty wave to Uncle Hairdog.
Hope W channels her inner compassionate lady and doles it out to you, soon.
I think you are doing outstanding!!! This is the type of behavior you need to work hard to continue. You aren't letting her get to you, you aren't taking her bait....keep this up. It does come across as a stronger man, which as BF and others have been saying....is more appealing to a woman.
Oh and Honeypot! Feel free to come hop across the border too Bring the kiddoes with ya, we should have our pool up this summer for them to play in...while we sit back and drink margaritas or sumptin.
Lass, What makes you think I would want to get outta my house, take the kids for a roadtrip and swim and play and drink margaritas??! That sounds like utter torture.
Seriously, that is a great idea! I keep looking for low airfare to OK, thinking that we can plan a lil' moms day out or sumptin.
Yeah, and I see you've sent it to New England too. We had thunderstorms last night, and the temps are dropping rapidly now. Expecting frost tomorrow morning. And to think it was close to 70 yesterday!
Hairy, you are doing well with the man-o-steel thing. Hang in there and keep it up (no,not that ...get your mind out of the gutter ).
