Yes, we’re still here. Unfortunately. Oddly enough, I was just thinking of you yesterday. I read somewhere that you weren’t taxed enough and England was about to start taxing sun rooms, greenhouses, and what have you. I immediately thought of you when I read that.
I’m also sorry to report that my W is cut from the same cloth. I’m sure you remember asking me if I had Big Brother cameras in your house when I described my sex life. While you’ve been gone, things have gotten dramatically better, and now are again dramatically worse. Yesterday evening W had just such an outburst as you describe. She didn’t like what D17 was wearing to her National Honor Society induction and ended up ruining the occasion for everybody. I don’t even know where W slept last night. Don’t care either.
Anyway, other than spoons for the tea, how are things with you? I hope this is just a visit for old times’ sake and not an indication that “date night” isn’t working for you.
Hi Wildebube, Things are OK here. I think that to a certain extent I have learned to accept my lot. Yes the Friday nights are mostly still on but despite my efforts to suggest some variation it is all a bit mechanical. I had hoped that with frequency she would start to let go a bit and start to contribute but she is still not able to kiss me or touch me anywhere other than to put her arms around my neck but that is the way she has always been even at the beginning. My feelings, desires and needs just don't figure in her thought processes. Everyday life is much better than it was though and we are much better at being friends. There is only the occasional row. I think this is mostly because before saying something I decide whether it is likely to wind her up and if I think it is, I keep quiet. Tax - your joking right? The govenment here takes 40% of Gross Domestic Product. The main taxes are Income Tax which varies but is 20% for people earning up to $50,000 then 40% on earnings after that. 17.5% Value Added Tax (VAT) and equivalent to your Sales Tax. Council Tax which pays for schools, police, fire, garbage collection and local bureaucracy and is based on the value of your home. I pay $300 per month. They collect 60%+ on gas which costs us about 94 pence per litre (approx $6 per US Gallon). Then there is 40% inheritance tax and 40% Capital Gains Tax. And they get 3% on house sales. They're sqeezing us so hard we are squeeking!
Greetings Dave! I have been thinking of you recently, because our fine forum was visited by that other famous dave, AtlDave, who is now notatldave, I think because he lives very far away...like in China.
Also, Nopkins has re-appeared, after an absence of a few months, as has Corri.
Anyway, it's great to see you, but sad to hear that your W is still not the kissy, cuddly sweetheart you wish she would be. I can easily see my W going ballistic because of a missing spoon.
Yes Dave, I was being sarcastic about the taxes. But I did read the article in the Telegraph and thought of you. Here’s the article. http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2005/11/06/ntax06.xml The part that said, “Extra charges are also expected to be levied on homes with more bedrooms than average, conservatories, large patios or gardens, roof terraces or balconies” made me think of your pictures.
Some of you may recall that I started taking Adderall, a medication for Attention Deficit Disorder, a few months ago. Contrary to my previous opinion of the "disorder" and the medication, I really feel so much more "myself" when I take the med.
This is a feeling I never had when I started taking Effexor, which is an anti-depressant. It just never seemed to do much of anything, except, for a period of time, it disrupted my sleep, negatively affected my libido (although Ms. Hairdog would disagree with the "negative"), and make me clench my jaw. So a few months ago, I decided I wanted to go off of Effexor.
I did my homework. I knew of the existence of some pretty severe side effects connected with stopping the drug. These occurred even when the drug was tapered down gradually. Not everyone had these side effects, but, even after reading about them, I decided it was worth the risk. I asked my doctor, and he got me started on tapered-down doses.
On Saturday, October 29, I took my first 75mg, down from my usual daily dosage of 150mg. No major side effects last week...except maybe some more vivid dreams.
On Saturday, November 5, I took my first 37.5mg, down from a week of the 75mg. Sunday, I could tell something was happening. One of the physiological effects seemed to be a very sore left arm...which could have possible been due to sleeping on it wrong. It's still sore today, but not as bad as last Sunday. The more mental/emotional-related side effects are: a buzzy feeling in my head (which may be connected to the physiological ringing in my ears), attention-focusing problems (very different from my ADD type problems...these are more like general unclear thinking unless I really concentrate), skittishness, a weird kind of dyslexia that makes it difficult to type at times (I keep on typing the wrong word over and over again, but thankfully, this only happens in about the first 5 or 10 minutes I am working on a document), and just a general feeling of "this is really weird"ness.
Oh, and during a discussion with my W Monday morning, I basically started crying, and couldn't stop. I wasn't keening or wailing; I just couldn't stop the tears. This is totally not like me, and it kind of freaked her out.
If I hadn't done the research, I would probably be freaked out, but knowledge is power.
Okay, so armed with that backstory, here's my little story from yesterday:
I had my MC session at 3pm, without Ms. Hdog. She had to decline because some court hearing got scheduled at a conflicting time. Do I think it was intentional? I don't know. That detail is not too important to the story.
During the session, I told the MC about my side effects, and she suggested that I tell W about them and ask for "some patience and consideration" for the next couple of weeks due to the side effects.
As I'm driving back from the session, W calls me and asks how it went. I tell her that we spent a lot of the time talking about the side effects, and "I'm asking that you be patient with me, and be aware, and be considerate over the next couple of weeks."
Next, she asks what else was discussed during the session. I don't want to get into it, so I tell her, "I don't want to discuss this right now." Part of the reason for this was because I have an opinion that these discussions are, in part, private, and don't need to be shared with W. She disagrees. The other reason I didn't want to discuss it was because, as I mentioned above, I am having attention problems, and driving and talking are two activities I do not want to be involved in simultaneously.
After I told her that I didn't want to discuss it, she paused, and then said, "We're going nowhere. Our marriage is going nowhere."
H: What did I just say? I am dealing with some side effects, and I can't talk right now.
W: We're going nowhere if you can't trust me enough to share your discussions with the MC with me.
H: Did you hear me? Are you listening to me at all? I can't have this discussion right now. All I am asking for is some patience. Please be considerate.
W: Well, you're not being very considerate of me.
Okay, so I guess even though I'm the one suffering from the weird-azz side effects, I have to treat her with consideration (translation: tell her everything I told the MC about her) before I am entitled to consideration.
I hung up.
Last night, she was apologetic, somewhat. And she was touchy-feely, somewhat. I actually didn't want to be touched (I think this is yet another side effect) very much and pushed her hand away politely, telling her that my skin was kind of "crawly."
This morning she called me at work and said that she missed me. H: What do you mean? I was just there. W: Well, I just wish you were here. MC said you were supposed to be more confident and try initiating. H: In the morning? W: Sure. It doesn't mean that I won't decline from time to time, but maybe you should try. H: Hmmm.
And all I could think was, "Sheesh! It's hard enough to get to sleep after having been pushed away. It's hard enough to face yet another Saturday or Sunday after having been pushed away. Getting rejected first thing in the morning on a work day sounds like my favorite way to start the day. Not."
So, that's where we are.
I told my MC that I've got don'tgiveashititis and she said that, while it's a good thing that I'm not willing to wade into Ms.Hdog's sh!t, it can be taken too far. I need to find a balance between the two unhealthy extremes of tip-toeing around W, and totally ignoring her.
One of my kids takes Adderall, but I think it was more of an anti-depressant. The others take Focalin, which I believe is strictly for focusing better due to ADD. I do not think there are any withdrawal effects with this, so they take it when they need it. Adderall has to be tapered down just like you mention about Effexor.
I think there are many of us who are coming down with that because at some point, after trying so hard for so long, it's bound to happen. I view it almost as a right-of-passage.
I had to get to this place in order to really begin GAL for myself, and stop worrying about whether what I might do or say upsetting my H or possibly destroying any progress that's been made.
I have to do what's best for me as a person, in order to be the best GEL I can be...and the best mom I can be to my S. As our MC says if that means that I have to back off and withdraw from my H in order to rejuevinate then do it. It's better than me doing something else drastic that I might regret later.
At least I feel I'm being true to myself throughout this "don'tgiveashititis" phase. I'm not acting as if everything is ok, it's not. I'm not giving my H that false sense of security that I used to...it didn't help. Of course I'm not doing anything intentionally mean or cruel either. I'm not being b!tchy or hateful, but if I don't want to be phsyical with him...or even physically close to him....I'm not going to pretend that I do.
He's noticing that this "phase" as he calls it, isn't leaving like it used to either. Hopefully, he'll pick up the rope sometime soon.
Don't hold your breath for him to pick up the rope. MrsGGB will sit and look at it, but doesn't seem to be willing to pick it up, and I got tired of picking it up all the time.
Believe me I'm not holding my breath waiting on him to pick up the rope. Actually, if he does I'm going to be surprised. Right now I'm taking things one day at a time, giving him plenty of opportunity to pick up that rope. One day, if he doesn't pick up that rope...he'll wake up and find me gone.
I used to think that if I left that would be the end of things. I no longer think that way. Just because I'm no longer living in the same house with him (if that happens) I can choose to continue working on things....if in fact moving out is what snaps him out of it. However, at this point...I'm definitely not ready to take that course of action.
