Quote: Hairdog, who notes that, although there's no sign of nookie on the horizon, it sure is a lovely horizon.
I think you are beginning to soak up some of that Buddhism whether you wanted to or not...
It is not the mountain range we perceive that leaves us breathless, but the act of perceiving itself.
Hmmm... maybe I'm a little high up in the philosophical rafters, but I don't want to underscore the significance of what you did today with your W. To me, it showed in your little closing remark, and you have definitely moved up a level in understanding. So maybe you get what I'm saying here.
Quote: I have to tell you, not letting her bad behavior affect me, not tolerating her disrespect toward me, and not wading into her crap, has had a profoundly liberating effect on me. [/qutoe]Brilliant! Beautiful! You are a tower of strength!!!
Yes, chocoballs, I get what you mean. I was just messin' with you.
Corri: It's tough to deal with, this surrendering of oneself. (Surrendering is not the best word, because of its negative connotations, but you know what I mean.) I keep on wanting that elusive guarantee that, when it all shakes out, I'll be getting some action between the sheets. I think I just needed to try every other way to try to get that action, before I realized that, if it's going to happen, it will happen. If it's not going to happen, it's just not going to happen. Yes, there is a sense of loss involved, but, kind of like Atldave pointed out, I just need to say to those negative thoughts of loss, and to any associated anger, "you are not welcome in my head."
All I can do is try to be a good dad, a good son, a good husband, a good person, and a good employee. A mensch.
Sheesh, now if I can just keep on track with that thought process. . . .
I just wanted to say that you are doing spectacularly well. I am somewhat embarassed to admit that I was, once upon a time, Ms. Hairdog-Lite, and my H went though a process not unlike your own. It took a long time, but I eventually figured out that I had to treat him with respect whether I agreed with him or not, whether I was stressed or not, whether I was hormonal or not.
pffff. stop thinking with your 'wrong memeber' J/K. I meant what dreams do you have, what activities would you like to engage in -other then sexual- ? When is the last time you changed your cologne? or updated your dress style? Do you workout, even minimally like calistenics? People starting a new R do all of these. expecailly the dieting or working out. They take a class, or go explore new places.
I keep on wanting that elusive guarantee that, when it all shakes out, I'll be getting some action between the sheets.
You must stop caring about the outcome other then your own self worth and improvement. It causes you to physicly lean on the other person. Lean back, emotionally and with your body language. Monitor yourself. When she does something physical or starts a HD poke fest, do you lean in? Does your posture plead, or does it stay above the fray? Does it say come to me or please like me?
This 180 is a terrific step for you. It can be scary and hard in the beginning.
Now a word of caution. You have to remain available and possible interested still. If you are indifferent and withdraw to hard it can prompt her to withdraw too.
This is not a fine line it is a razor edge. Your nimble toes can pirouette across it I have no doubt.
Remember No Disrespect, amused tolerance at her predictable testing and seeking physical reassurances, and attraction to the dominant HD.
Get over the negative connotation of dominant. Learn to love it.
Hi Everyone, I just popped in to see if any of my old friends are still here and sure enough you all are. Of course I always head straight to the Chronicles of Hairdog the Unworthy because well I'm sorry to say HD, we have wives from the same mould. Mrs. HD suffers from the same affliction as Mrs SD - that of putting a negative spin on everything. A recent example in the Super household is that I always get up early and make a cup of tea which I take upstairs. While the kettle is boiling I usually clear up any dishes that have been left around by nocturnal teenagers. One morning last week I had all sorts of trouble with cats, dead mice, school shoes that hadn't been cleaned etc. and I didn't have time to clear the dishes. When we came down for breakfast W went into a violent rant about the nocturnal ones leaving dirty dishes all over the place and then went to get a spoon and finding none in the drawer let fly at me for not running the dishwasher. The atmosphere was sour but I decided to bite the bullet and call her on it - quite a scary prospect. I told her that I had made a judgement not to run the dishwasher beceause it was not completely full and that with a little thought she could have said quite lightly that the teenagers had used all the spoons for their midnight feast and then I would have jumped at the chance to wash a spoon by hand (providing me with the chance to give her an "Act of Service") and the morning would have got off to a pleasant start with everyone happy. She muttered something about patronising her and went storming off to work. Over here we have a politician called Tony Blair (you might have heard of him) who became very popular by putting positive "Spin" on everything. Despite the country going down the tubes everyone felt great because he was so good at talking it up. Always putting a positive spin on things is not easy though even when you are normally a positive minded person. Getting a negative person to see things from the positive point of view is nigh on impossible but as some of us know from experience, if you change your own attitude, those around you are compelled to change theirs. Best regards to everyone, SD
