First, I want to say that Mrs. Nop and I are saying the same things to you with different vernacular because of background and obvious shadings from age and gender. If I were a guy I would prefer hers too. Maybe.



trying to explain my justification
Ughh, trying to logical an emotional outburst. I won't say it.

how come you didn't put the socks and shoes away?"

'do it yourself, or get off my back'. Neutral, no anger. Ignore her anger and remove self if it arrives.

I feel she is violating a boundary

'Knock it off'. "The way you are acting -right now -is not acceptable'.


I'm done trying to discuss this with you."

Good job. Sooner next time.
You did not supplicate, you did not try to reassure, you did not try to fix. So she did. Its so sweet and you felt better too. Make yourself feel good, more often, and I bet she will want to make you 'feel good' too. Even I am astounded that it happened this fast, from the picture you have painted.

You have a REAL chance at turning things around quickly, IF you can change yourself.
Write down 100 x I will not take her disrespect. Or say it everytime you look in a mirror. Both would be better.

Sorry, but that's not my style. I KNOW how annoying it is.

Change your style. Mrs.Nop calls it reflecting bad behavior. I call it being dominant. You are both acting the way you want the other to act. Do you understand this?
You can change yours without being annoying or negative. Too much. She will get over it, and better yet you will probably get sum.

Putting this all in terms of "power" or "control" is buying into her framework of the relationship. No, this is about two adults, with equal rights and responsibilities, treating each other with respect and love

umm ok if this makes you feel better. Its her framework because that is what subconciously she is attracted to. You cannot change that. Your equal rights, responsiblities, is P.C. rhetoric.

It is about power. You both have the right to be respected and loved, but they are not equal. You have to enforce yours, earning respect by not allowing her bad behavior, without anger or negativity, and give her respect and love . She cannot enforce it. Well-- she can try but it does not have the same effect.


HP said
Quote:

that being firm and strong and unwavering in your stance will stop her in her tracks.



simple? I dunno, but it is amazing that they do stop with a few simple words uttered by us and revert to nice girl. Even the Valkyrie here admits it.

Some other thought from previous thread.
The guys here who are not getting respect, you have to rock the boat, you have to point out what she needs to work on. Treating her as you want her to treat you is not going to work.

Quote:

It's like there's ongoing scoring, but she's the only one at the judge's table.


be a judge or get judged. it is your choice.

Hairy, how about just getting the groceries and gas, and if she raises a stink say 'I did it. Its done. You can be courteous and find out why or you can keep quiet'.


You checked the budget first, you were not being irresponsible or passive aggresive. you were being proactive. You are the man, give yourself permission.
PLEASE. The results will shock you some more.