Well, I asked. Wrote a long e-mail saying things like, "you broke our foundation of trust that I so loved," etc...
He immediately got online and started to say no, he hadn't cheated on me. I didn't write much back, but here is some quotes of the conversation:
-he keeps telling me that I asked for distance and his is just "respecting" me (yeah, right).
-"I do miss you, but I just can't get
back into the mind set of being in a serious
relationship, it really scares me, even though your a
wonderful person to share life and love with"
and right after he wrote:
-"I know I have destoyed our
relationship beyond repair" (maybe trying to get reassurance that it wasn't that bad and we could work it out? - I didn't respond to this one)
I told him he does not take responsibility for his actions and instead he is just getting angry for no reason. That way I appologize and not him.
H: You act as though things were perfect
between us. You weren't happy being with me when
you had me. you even said so yourself
M: there's a better way to face the
problem then to run away. that's the difference between you
and I. you are a quitter.
H: I will never forget what you told me,
that "you felt relieved, cause you always felt it
would be you to tell me you wanted a divorce"
M: but I never did. I felt confused but trusted it
would go away.
H: but you wanted too, and it reflected
in how you cared for me
H: well it hurt
M: I said I was sorry if you felt that
way. I completely understand how you
feel, but I never wanted to run away. I never wanted to give up. I know myself and I know it would
pass. you just went the other way.
I didn't save the rest of the conversation but he asked me something like, "so how will if you have doubts again?" and I told him I would tell him.
Then we got to the sex talk and how he felt I didn't feel attracted to him. I explained that his pot smoking turned me off several times. He then claimed it wasn't always like that, that even on vacations, when he didn't smoke, I didn't have the drive he has. I explained to him I was always like that and that sometimes sex can be painful for me, and it feels like work. He said things like, "well, maybe you haven't found the right guy yet" (are we begging for reassurance or what?) To that I told him I loved ML with him and said again that I have heard similar complaints in previous relationships. I approach a R with a lot of lust and than I get bored.
Anyway, I tried reassuring him that I am attracted to him and that there's nothing wrong with him. That our sex life has actually improved lately because we are finally kissing now (I avoided kissing him because of the smell of marijuana).
I told him he has no idea hom much pot has gotten in the way of our R, in every single way. He said he took responsibility for it.
Then started to talk a little dirty and I felt the conversation was starting to lighten up, but I had to go because I had some medical exams to be done in order to volunteer to the rescue squad.
I was going to pass by the house to get the dog and walk him, but it wasn't here. H never comes at lunch time to get the dog. I also checked the caller ID and saw he called right after I got off the internet. So he has passed by right after online talk and took the dog with him (maybe to do some tricks later on today ).
