H wants to date

[hopefloats7]

caverna,
Hi. I was reading your posts. I wanted to comment on the hot/cold issue you are having with your husband. I know with mine, what seems to make a big difference is when he's spent time with o.w. and then shortly after we talk or see one another; I can totally tell a difference in his attitude. It might be guilt playing into it; he feels he can't be hopeful for you or loving in any manner because of that (is there o.w. in your situation?). It's just what I've noticed in my own mess; may not hold water for yours.
So sorry you're having a bad day; so am I. Came on here to just read and post tonight; so sad.
I hope you feel better.

[bj]

hey Caverna

oh, gosh, you're so normal bj. I am going through the same emotions. I want him, but I want him a specific way: him chasing me and telling me he loves me and is here to stay. I don't want him as he is now. I'd rather be alone. Does that make any sense?

that's what you posted on my thread in response to my confusion.

Seems like round and round we go

one thing good is now you know what not to do - the worst think happened and your still here (still confused but not about picking up and running with the ok lets go out together issue) now the ball is entirely is in court
don't you just hate those old sayings.

My thoughts are with you - you tried and that was a brave thing and you learnt something from it. That is also a good thing.

Guess it's back to the girls on one side of the room and the boys on other for a little while - do you think now is the time to go dark big time - find a dog sitter - and be unavailable

I think he is very confused and as you said do you want this confused person?

Am thinking I am going to be busy for awhile and switch my phone off at night - that is when he calls me.

Hopefully your H will get some help soon - he sounds like he really needs it - more than ever.

Look after yourself
and tomorrow

make a happy day

bj

[caverna]

Oh my God, reading Nevanna's thread, I came to sooooo many conclusions.

One of them is like her, the part of me that pushed H away was my constant complaining about life and mood swings. Guess what? I "forgot" to do 180s on those so important points!!!! Actually, I was trying to do 180s on the pursuing behaviors, but not really on my negative traits. I still do the crying on the phone and being miserable about the whole thing. Plus I am impatient. I don't let things happen.

Her thread gives me so much hope since she is my age and her H acted so similar to mine.

It also gave me hope to see that if she could change, I can too!!!

[caverna]

nevanna's last thread

Her thread is actually much longer, but interesting to read. She made her posts into a diary.

[bj]

Hey Caverna

I have just spent hours reading Nevanna's thread
it is truly inspirational
only one way to go
onwards and upwards

bj

[caverna]

I noticed that my H pursues me like I want him to, when I disappear (no phone calls, no hanging around).
However, I needed to call him to ask for help with the dog for a few days. How do I go about this? How do I call when I am on the LRT?

[optimist2004]

Is there anyone else you can find to watch the dog? Is there a kennel you trust in the area?

[caverna]

Well, I solved the dog problem. Now here is the thing. My mom is visiting from another country this weekend. H doesn't know that. She will stay home while I work (she doesn't have a license to drive here) and H goes home to walk the dog around 5pm every day. Now, I don't want them to run into each other (it would be awkward, especially for my mom and I don't want to put her in an uncomfortable position.

So I thought about calling his office when I know he won't be there and leaving a message saying that my mom is here and he doesn't need to get the dog if he doesn't want to. That way I'm not exactly pursuing by not calling him directly on the cell phone.

Am I analyzing this too much??? Should I just call and directly let him know?

What do you guys think?

[onehopingsoul]

hi caverna,

I'm new to your thread, but I've been watching it for a while now.

For what my opinion is worth, your solution of calling your H's office when he's not there and leaving a message sounds good to me. I have also used text messaging over the cell phone in similar circumstances (needing to communicate, but wanting to do serious LRT).

I'm curious what others will say.

onehopingsoul

[Becca1975]

I think you have to use common sense too. If you truly 'didn't care', then what would you say to him? Scratch a quick note and leave for him to find the next time he comes to get the dog, but before your mom comes? You just don't want to LOOK like you are trying to avoid him, even though you are.