It is becoming clearer to me that our spouses really are confused!! The old alien abducted them thing. I think we get frustrated every time that we try to make things happen that aren't ready to happen. These problems took a long time to develop and expecting that they will fix themselves to the point of where our spouses can say definitively that they want us in their lives forever is going to take a lot of time. Besides, if they said it at this point would we believe it anyway? I think no. I think I would keep looking for reassurances and drive him away. Instead, (and trust me - I have had a very anxious day for no real reason) I think we take it one moment at at time - practicing what we have identified for goals - things WE can do, not them. And trusting that when they are having a good moment with us, it is a good moment. Practicing "thank you for your willingness to share" is probably a good line to memorize.
I have said it on several other threads but this is HARD work but the results do occur quickly when we get it right. Keeping them going is the hard part because backsliding happens almost immediately. I think some of the pain we experience is very necessary to keep us working on the goals and to keep things edgy enough to keep up the hard work. Remember, this is about US, not them.
