How about thinking about baby steps? H says that there's no space for you ("us") in his life or mind or whatever...well, yah, of course he's going to say that! it's a big leap from "ILYBINILYWY" to "there's room in my life for you". Just like there's babysteps between ignoring each other and going out on a "real" date (having coffee at the house, sharing a cookie, watching a video together, taking a walk, etc).
My point is that I'd encourage you to look for inches, not yards. I know it's hard to live in limbo (believe me, I have been there) but unless you want the alternative (end of M, D) for certain, limbo is not such a bad place to be. It gives YOU space, h space and let's you guys get to know each other again.
I realize I'm in the minority here but I'd also stop looking for ulterior motives in h's actions, conversations, etc. It's not going to help you or your sitch at this point. I have no idea if your h is trying to "control" the sitch with his disclosures. All I "heard" was a guy telling you how he feels. You can say "that sounds hard for you" or "tell me more" or smile and touch his arm gently or none of the above but taking his conversation and turning it into some mind game doesn't sound like a good end to the story.
Go back to your goals. Break them down even smaller. Can you see babysteps on the way to each one? What actions can YOU take to bring them about (since, IIRC, each goal was primarily about something that h was going to do). What was different about the times in your M when things felt good and close between you? All that good stuff.
A re-reading of DR never hurts, either.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
