Passive-aggressive behavior is very well documented by psycholagists/therapists. You could do a google search and find PLENTY about it. But, it actually takes a while to understand because it's counterintuitive, even though it's such a typical behavior pattern.
Basically, we are all passive-aggressive to a degree. We often have to be. Passive-aggressiveness is a way to be aggresive or control the situation with passive actions. A classic example is if you tell someone you'll meet them to go to a movie. But you really don't like them and don't want to see the movie, but would feel guilty saying "no." So, instead, you say "OK" and drag your feet and show up late and maybe you both end up missing the intro.
That's a pretty mild example.
So, after you have not been available for your H to go out when HE wanted to, he won't come out and yell, "you should be available for me when I say!" Instead he will "punish" you by not communicating for the next day or two.
You could argue, that you were also passive-aggresive by not being available for him when he wanted. Remember, passive-aggressive behavior is not ALWAYS a bad thing. When he asked, you didn't say, "NO! I will not go out with you tonight. Get used to the fact that I'm not always ready to jump when you say!" You didn't say that because you know it will be counter-productive. Instead, you controled the situation by telling him a little untruth about being busy and asked to do it later.
You were being passively aggressive. And in my unprofessional opinion it was the right thing to do. You took back some control. Good for you! Don't be suprised if he does punish you for it. You'll live through the "punishment" and he may very well start to see that he can't control you via his usual means.
Alright, enough playing doctor for now. I have absolutely no credentials in behavioral psychology. I've just become fascinated with it recently due to our sitch's I guess.
