Somebody Help!

[LostGal]

I dont think I should have to work 50 hours a week while she just goes out with her girlfriends, watches tv or lays around and then come home and clean or do dishes, laundry. Thats why I say its her job. She wasnt very active person before we got married but like I said she has gained about 40 lbs and the only thing we do for fun is to go out to dinner. She just quit smoking after 17 years and she has tried to lose weight but when she does decide to workout thats all she does all day. I mean she just stays on the stair stepper literally like 5 hours.

I will now yell at you...I don't care what you feel is your job. Yes under normal circumstances a division of duties over housework is warrented (I also note not hearing about yard work so I'm assuming you're in an apartment and not a home) YOUR WIFE IS HURTING the hurt is real. IMHO you should work together as a close team for a bit on the house work till she heals. That is IF you want to have meaningful noookie!

You say you don't do anything together cept go to dinner. I bet you're vocal about her weight gain too. How can she feel involved in going to dinner when you're going to rag on her for her shape? Find something else you BOTH enjoy that doesn't have added calories. Exercise TOGETHER? An evening walk, holding hands, reconnecting TOGETHER?

I dont know if you are a smoker or not. I quit after close to 40 years of smoking and durring tax time getting over 3 packs a day. That was an instant 20lbs. A friend of mine just quit and she's lamenting 25lbs. One thing I learned durring quitting is that girls and boys treat smoke differently. For a girl its a release of seratonin in the brain and therefore relaxing and calming and a "happy" drug.

So 20lbs for stopping smoking and 20lbs for the baby, I'd say she hasn't done anything unusual weight wise. You get her happy again and I bet it will come off in a year.

Quitting smoking leads to its own distress, add the death or forsed termination, and that is distressful. If you are not willing to do some house work, happily, like ??? "I've hidden a gift for you in the home. I'll vacume, you pickup and dust and lets see if you can find it, then I'll pickup dinner I've ordered and we can have a great evening"; then I suggest you get her into counselling and you should go too.