My Wife; The Untouchable

[Becca1975]

My counselor mentioned something that I think might benefit you..

I was explaining that there had been 0 intimacy in my relationship for a long time. She said that due to his upbringing, he likely did not know HOW to have intimacy. I said "But the first few years he did, how can he just not know how now!" and she said that it is easy in the first, because it is not TRUE intimacy. Only further into the relationship, when faced with true intimacy does the truth come out.

Besides, we are good at faking it when we think there is something to be gained (ie: a great person in our life).

I'd bet that the issue begins with her molestation and carries on into not knowing how to have true intimacy. Telling her this will do nothing because she is not even "aware" of this, i would imagine.

I also think (as in the case with my H and I) that what shaky trust was there in the beginning that allowed us to get by gets shattered as problems arise in the marriage...and then suddenly it is gone. It can be rebuilt, but it will take work and probably counseling.

((hugs))