Hey Peg...I don't know your sitch, but can I just say something here? My H had his first EA 9 yrs ago and we reconciled. I remember at that time feeling everything you are feeling now. And yes, you do get past it. You do trust his love again, and you do stop wondering or thinking or even questioning about OW. It's a process, it takes time, and it will take both of you understanding each other. He will have to be gentle and patient with you when you ask for the 100th time whatever you feel the need to know. You will have to know at some point, you have your answers, now trust his love and stop reminding him how much he failed you. Show him you believe in him again, he will need that at some point.
And my biggest word of advice...get some of those books, get some counseling and really heal this together. My H and I didn't - we were so happy to be back together and in love again that we just rode that wave and kind of pushed down the reasons for the A, and it ended up we were still dealing with each other in the same ways, once the "newness" wore off again. We never changed the patterns that took us into the mess the first time.
Don't get discouraged, you can do it! And it will be so worth it when you are living a happy life and all of a sudden you realize "I haven't thought about OW for over a year now?!?!" And even the pain becomes a distant memory. I'm so happy for you!
