Actually 2 posts (now 3) in 1.5 days is pretty good traffic for this forum. If you'd like more, consider posting in Newcomers.
I'm alarmed by your mention of alcohol and of possibly killing yourself, as well as your swinging from one extreme to another in terms of caring about your R with your W. Alright, I know - all of us have our mood swings and changing opinions. But are you really considering killing yourself? If so, I suggest you set up counseling for yourself - if not today, then tomorrow. There are few things as stressful as D, and being brave or flippant about it will only delay your real self-work, such as dealing with this real loss.
