Good to see you posting! I've followed your sitch for some time, and am glad to see the success that you've had, realizing that there is still lots of hard DBing to be done.
Quote: I think you may be right about continuing to lighten things up. I would like to think about some 180s.
It seems like lightening things up would really help your sitch. Both of you sound weighted down with many things, from your kids stuff, to the A, to his depression. Activity and lightness of being might do wonders, especially for the two of you. I liked how he invited you to dinner with him and the other couple in December. Why not more of that inclusion while still allowing for individual pursuits?
Quote: H seemed somewhat preoccupied with his mobile phone. Who knows?
Why not have an open door policy that includes scrutiny of each others computer and phone activity to reassure until trust is better established. Has this issue been addressed in any form of MC? I know that it might feed any control issues, and that as a couple you should instead march on toward positive goals, rather than trying to control the avoidance of negative events. Have you two talked about it recently, using "I" statements and staying as nondefensive as possible?
