Unilateral Disarmement - 3

[Wendylon]

One more thing: I find the unilateral disarmement a continuing challenge. Last night I felt sad as I went up to bed and didn't say anything to H as I passed his study (and he didn't either). I'd been puttering in the kitchen and we both knew that I was going to bed. I think I don't inititate any of those rituals out of pride and self-protection. I'd hate him to answer in a lukewarm and rejecting way. I don't want to give him the opportunity to be hurtful. Meanwhile, it suits H to be in a sitch where he hasn't nailed the last nail in the coffin (to use his expression).

I'm off on Thursday to a residential women's group that meets one a year. I plan to give my notice and make it the last one. I've been going to it for about 14 years and I'm sad to leave but I really don't buy into the whole dependence on the group thing. I'm pretty much sure that I won't be leaving on good terms as it goes against this goup's culture to leave the group. I'm expecting to be given a hard time. I also feel a bit vulnerable as I can't really say to them that my life is back on track and hunky-dory. They'll try to tell me that I'm making a huge mistake by cutting myself off from the support of the group.

I asked H this morning whether he still felt that I wasn't doing any 'work on myself' after he said that he was 'working' incredibly hard. (He'd accused me of not doing that about a year ago. He said that he didn't think that anymore.) I asked him what he could see. To my amazement, he takes my decision to leave the women's group as a sign that I'm doing work on myself. I guess it is in a way but I thought he was going to mention my letting go of controlling and nagging him. I don't even like the whole 'working on oneself' idea. It sounds weird.

I look forward to some nuggets of wisdom from people on this BB as alwayss. I'm curious to see if people track me down here and whether I get to know new people. I look forward to reading more about others in Piecing.

Wendy