I'll chime in. I don't agree with actually saying I agree to the divorce. Not in those words anyway. I do agree with making it as amicable as possible, trying to get the kids as much as possible, and involving lawyers as little as possible. But if she says.."I want a divorce", I wouldn't say "me too" just to avoid an argument. But that's probably not what you are saying. The words I used in that situation were..."I'm only interested in your happiness. If this is what you feel will make you happy then I'm willing to work as amicable as possible on this." But don't bring up anything about it when she doesn't and don't make any effort to move it along yourself.
As far as your goals: I just sat down with my XW when she mentioned divorce and basically said...okay let's go through the stuff we do have and get an idea how we should split stuff up. What other details do you have in mind. Be very calm and rational. No fighting.
2. If divorce does start being mentioned by her and you've had the above discussion or she indicates she's seen her lawyer, just tell her that you would really appreciate it if the papers don't come as a surprise. That she give you notice. My XW actually handed them to me. No officer serving me. It helped.
If she is already at the lawyer stage and just won't say anything, but instead is just going to serve you suddenly perhaps you should tell her you would prefer knowing in advance.
Countryboy, you have one chance to get your visitation right. I would recommend that you get as much time as possible now. You don't want to go back. Remember summer vacations and holidays. Make sure it's exactly what you want. Be as close as possible to where your kids are so you can have frequent visitation...overnights if possible.
Just my opinion, for what it's worth.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
