So, it looks like the W wants a D. She can't bring up the nerve to say it, but I know (for a fact) that she does. It's just a matter of time at this point, so I've let go as part of the LRT - of course I still have hope! - and am going to help facilitate this process in the direction that will leave everything as amicably as possible.
Here's my goals: 1. To have the W and I work on the D as much as possible together, without lawyers involved, until we file. I'd like to use lawyers only to settle any items we can't, which will hopefully be few and far between. 2. To avoid either of us getting slapped with papers as a good morning present instead of having a talk where we "decide" to get the big D. 3. And, honestly, to maximize time with the S5 and S2 - she wants full custody and there's no sense in fighting it - while hopefully minimizing CS so I can actually afford to live in the same city as them, and thus remain an active and involved father.
These are my goals. Now, my W is reallllllly angry with me, and really paranoid, and extremely suspicious thanks to GAL and LRT. Check the Get This! thread in INS for the in-depth.
So, my question to all of you is: Do you have any ideas on helping facilitate this process in the manner I listed above?
Don't get me wrong, I don't want a divorce. I just want to make this as easy as possible for her.
Do you have any ideas on helping facilitate this process in the manner I listed above?
Don't get me wrong, I don't want a divorce. I just want to make this as easy as possible for her.
No, sorry, don't have any ideas on how to make it easier on her, because I'd be more interested in making it easier on you.
I would let her do all the work in obtaining a divorce. I wouldn't make it nasty, and I wouldn't just accept anything she wants to do, but I wouldn't lift a finger to help her out. There are reasons why.
Emotionally, I'm about as good as I can get. I'm not worried about the massive spiral that could happen - been there, done that, GAL works wonders. What I'm trying to look is making this easier on a woman who is so normally outspoken towards me its outrageous, but yet turns around and can't bring herself to tell me she wants a D - despite all the sleeping separate and ice queen and paranoia on her part.
I don't plan on doing any work for her, either. She wants it, she's gotta work for it, you know? It would be . . . counterproductive to do it for her.
I was trying to save myself from doing all the typing and hoping others would eventually join in and say why!
OK, I'll give some... "She can't bring up the nerve to say it, but I know (for a fact) that she does."
She's conflicted. She doesn't want it, but she wants it (and you don't want it). Don't make her decision for her by doing it for her. She has to make her own decisions. Leaving the ball in her court to do all the work that may her face her issues to determine if she really wants out - or not.
Deep down, WASs are unsure of what they're doing. They may give an outward appearance that they're sure, they may tell you they're sure, they may convince themselves that they're sure. But they're human, and have doubts and insecurities. It could very well be that she may yet turn around if your situation is young, and you'd be heading for the divorce court instead of reconciliation.
You're absolutely on the right track by agreeing with her, if she brings up divorce, because if you fight her, maintaining that you don't want a divorce, that just gives her something to fight about, and would likely make her more adamant, instead of clearing away all obstacles that would keep you both in adversarial positions.
My thoughts exactly! A big TY for helping me see that I'm on the right track and I shouldn't give up hope! I can't say that I'm in a wonderful place right now, but the PMA and GAL really helps out in these things.
Apologies CB . . . I'm not meaning to hijack your thread by any stretch. Just wantted to make sure that NY Survivor saw my request to review my sitch too.
Thanks Sweetheart. I really should have just started my own thread to her. Reacting immediately without really thinking it through. Thanks though. I will do that from now on.
