hello. came back from seeing my Ds, spent 4 days with them. its a real heart breaker, to leave them, but it gets better each time, i guess i have more experience dealing with the sadness that comes with leaving them. they are happy, and ok, apparently. i did not speak with W, just hello and logistics of my stay. i didnt see her well, sort of skinny. the 3 rd of march, marked my 8th month separated. its funny but now i spend time reading the separated forum, the divorced but not done, and surviving the big D forums. i am still single, work hard, i live with my parents until i sell my house, and my melancholy moments are fewer although i still have them. it is really a time of growing up, in silence i can see and feel what i did wrong, what my weaknesses were, and it is tough to change paradigms, although the situation forces me to change. i now see, that i label many things, i also put in a box many visions and perspectives of what life should be, in terms or relationships, achievements, and life in general. this is wrong. i am trying to change, but its not easy. i have to admit, that i still love my W, although i dont talk to her since december 9. i am angry and very hurt, i no longer want to be soft or nice or want to get close to her. so im in a catch 22 sort of phase, i love her, but i dont do anything to let her know that, i guess i left it to destiny, if she wants me, she will have to show me, if not, tough luck for me, but im prepared, better expressed, i am ready for the true divorce. i will go to a L the 3rd of july, my 1 year anniversary, to research and see how i draw the terms of the big D. meanwhile, i pray to God, that he makes something happen, that is all i do for now. im too hurt to talk to her for now............... hugs to everyone who reads these lines, and best of luck.
