hello. update. blew it on my Ws bday, my plan was to have no contact whatsoever. on the day, (i gave my D a cell phone), at 6 in the morning my D calls and tells me that ¨its moms bday, dad¨ i didnt know how to respond. if i acknowledged as if nothing happened, i guess it would send her bad vibes. so i told her to pass the phone to W, so i said good morning and happy bday. cold and to the point. that was that, but it wasnt what i had planned. reason i write today, is because i learned something interesting reading a book. i had this idea that i had to kill my W in my mind, that silence was the best, and so i would not even talk to her at all, to me she was dead, and mentally i had to accept that fact. however, it just did not feel right. the progress of a relationship is as follows: contact ,like a business relationship, it then can grow to friendship, and then to intimacy. when intimacy is broken, there is no way you can go back to friendship unless there is a neutral period, this is according to me. i cannot or will not be a friend to her for now. the best way to relate to her now, is back to a business relationship. accepting her existence and being formal, serious, courteous. this gives me a structure from which i now know how to act, not indifferent and not being a pseudo friend. eventually, this business relationship can really grow into a new friendship. to me this is process is natural, and comfortable because i now have a standard. before i would move from trying to be a friend, which does not correspond, to being indifferent, to being sometimes angry. the book says that it is also a great example for children, that during all this their parents can relate civilized because and for their happiness. so now i really feel more comfortable, in how to deal with the situation. just thought to share my opinions.................
