thnx grsshpper,hopeflts, kind words...... i am definitely getting used to living single, in that i consciously try to live MY life. i must admit however, that i am not complete yet. before, i used to have this feeling of void and emptiness that quickly turned into a sensation in my stomach of pain, sort of translating the feeling of emptiness to the physical part, i felt a pain that felt like i had a hole in my stomach, also felt anxiety, pure anxiety, a nervousness that calmed down when i smoked a cigarrette. ugly days. today i feel sad, the moments i remember DDs, or when flashbacks occur, geeeezzz, i lived almost 10 yrs with that woman and my precious daughters. but i pray, or think positive, and those moments fade away. the reason i write today is that XWs bday is tomorrow. every year, i would buy 3 gifts, and give them to her, am, pm, and later on. usually i would plan the whole day with little surprises, and usually dinner or lunch or a party, mixed with things i would conider romantic. tomorrow none of that will be. the great silence will be my voice of protest, desbelief, anger, towards what her actions are. for all she cares, she wont give a flying S*** because she has moved on. well, silence is my friend. i think and believe, that if you persuit, you show interest, if you fight, also, but if you are silent, indifference kills. just venting...........
