update, hello everyone, where is tambo!!!!!!! well, i am pretty much done with XW. since we are apart, it is very hard to DB,sent her 2 letters, saying that i loved W and Ds, her reply had something to do with God, and our mission to be happy and realize ourselves, through that we achieve Him. well, in one of these letters i pretty much accepted the fact that we were over, through, but i proposed that she consider coming back, in this way Ds would have a F and M. she responded that no, she would not come back.
ok, that was tough, but now, i am considering my 2 options: 1) legally try to get custody of Ds, in this scenario, they would hurt alot because they would miss M. the positive is that i would be in their lives and happy eventually. 2) get D, and give custody to W. problem here is that i would see my Ds once a month, only one weekend, see them on vacations. problem-- i would miss day to day presence in their lives. other problem-- OM would see them more than me, if their R does prosper!
today, i talked with W, (still have stupid hopes), she was angry at me cause she came back from psychologist, and she was told that Ds consider her the bad one who left. i never told them anything , i was silent, she insists we should give them the message that Rs are constructed or destroyed, and that we both did that. i will do that, but i dont want to tell them, i will live apart because we want to live that way? NO, i am fighting for this M, i cant tell Ds, yes its ok, ill live here and your mom there. why should i tell them that, if i dont feel that way. oh well, on the phone today, i started cursing her, she said no way was she going to live here, and that i should persuit any legal action, she said we will see, i lost it and really insulted her, and hung up..... i really do hate the fact that she thinks she gets to 1) live in a city that she likes 2) have her OR 3) get to keep Ds 4) i have to pay for her decisions. Where the hell are my needs? and the needs of Ds? she decided unilaterally. the problem i see is that say i fight custody and i win. Ds live with me, trauma for Ds, but eventually if i meet a woman, how would i handle it. also, because of work i wont be around so much, Ds would be alot with my mother. do i want that? she already screwed my life alot. is XW a good mother? yes, but she does have alot of traumas. i let time go by, until now, i really have to decide if i will fight for Ds, then i will go to lawyer. up to now, i never felt so much anger, i am really thought stopping frequently. am i the bad guy here??????? should i continue DBing, she told me today, that i have never accepted the facts, that we were over. how could i accept if i love her??????? what is wrong with her, who the hell is she!!!!!! please any comments are welcome.
