I'm so sorry for the pain you are enduring. I think the key word is enduring; let's see if we can find a way to ease some of that. Other DBers suggest walks. What used to make you happy, before you met W? I don't mean the partying but you mentioned an interest in philosophizing. Is there a college near you where you can take a class? What about a book store? They often have book groups which is a great way to meet new people (people who don't know you as H of WAW). Find what makes you peaceful and then do it. As for the other part of your stitch, wait. You do not sound ready to make ultimatums you sound like you're ready for more DBing, so.... follow the 24/48/72 hour rule. Wait! Wait until you're calm to make a decision. Remember, your emotions are up and down and you don't want to do something you might regret. So just wait. I hope this helps.
