ok guys, update, i gave up on the retreat after 2 and a half days. i was honestly going crazy, very tough meditating all day, and not being able to talk or read or write..... it all went downhill when after the first day, i had a vivid crystal clear dream where my Ds were there, and i made up with W, when i woke up and saw where i was, i started crying very hard.... oh well, i gave up and i felt great, because its the first time i gave up on something, and it felt good. actually, it was liberating, because i am accepting what i like and dont like, not just doing things because i have to. that pattern is what i did on my career, my master studies, even my M, where i do it without evaluating if i am comfortable. i always had a dream of joining a monastery, now i know, its not for me, it was an eye opener. just accept who you are and cherish yourself. first love yourself. came back out, i have an apt in this city, rented godfather 1 and 2, and just saw the films.......rejoicing that i am a bit of a couch potato, but having fun. i miss my family, question for all of you during holidays, should i invite W to spend some days with Ds? or should i avoid it because it is too soon? what if she says she has plans with OM? should i go for the pain? if we spend time and we just act like friends, would it ruin the supportive friend phase? should i wait for her to make the move or hint something? god bless all of you......
