It's been a very long time since I perused or posted on these boards.
My sitch Me 36 Her 28 No kids Separated nearly 2yrs ago, divorced a month ago
I always try to help a little when I come here and I am in a different boat so to speak. DB and DR techniques work! But only if you mean for the changes to stay and honestly get a life.
I ended up divorcing my ex! She couldn't do it etc.
But deep down I will always love my ex. No matter what. There will always be a special place for her. My sitch was I spent so much effort trying to save the marriage I forgot to save me first. Now that I have it was rather a bit late for the marriage. I did some things that didn't help and allowed my emotions to control my life more-or-less.
I see now a lot of my actions helped drive my ex to another man. So be it. And after hearing constant lies, the crap I've gone through during property settlement, I just divorced her and let her go. It was a case of enough for me. I deserve better.
Behold, actually letting go properly and establishing a new life I have made many new friends, and do so much stuff it isn't funny. Ive had to tone down the amount of stuff I do. But similarly I think the last six months I made the mistake of trying to find a 'replacement'. This is what my ex did and took the first guy more-or-less. She can have him.
Would I take my ex back? I get asked this heaps. The answer is I don't know. I do know that it will take a long time of me not in her life to grasp what she has done properly. DR is right - nothing can make them see or change except for themselves.
The time has allowed me to see my own mistakes and now know I can give an awesome life to someone special. Just haven't found that special person yet. I do know I meet more potential ladies when I'm 'not' looking :-)
I nice thing is my ex's sister's husband and I have remain good friends. We made a vow not to speak of anything to do with my ex. Was a bit weird at first but not a problem now.
For those that have reached divorce...well its not the end of my world! Actually, it's the beginning of a new phase having learnt and established a whole new philosophy on life! One day, I will be able to have a special person to cherish, love, be romantic with, talk, communicate effectively, be affectionate with, do things with, listen and care for.
For now the new look, new clothes, and new spontenaeity (sp? lol) has afforded me to mingle and be chased after! It's a nice feeling to know you're back to where I was when I first met my ex. That is the person she fell in love with.
Do I hate my ex - no. Have I moved on - definately and had to in my sitch. Do I think about her? Probably once every day. The divorce days were a little tough. I thought of her a fair bit, the good times, a lot of the good times, and it was a bit sad. But they are good memories and I think I'd like to just remember those for now on should I remember her.
I'm sure she still thinks of me - just in what capacity though makes me giggle a bit lol.
All the best... let them go and find their way. We can only offer a welcome door home if wanted.
