says so right in that article. "bad things happen to good people".
tell me it didn't suck to lose your H. tell me you don't wish it didn't happen. tell me you won't always miss him.
that's allz I'm saying.
I don't know that I'm not already as "over it" as I'm ever gonna be.
Lostgal: we did read 5ll. guess which "L" is mine?
Hers are "lifting heavy things", and "quality time"...and any time spent with a dismissive avoiding emotionally withdrawn sob like myself can't possibly be of any "quality". and I ain't allowed to lift heavy things, because of my heart.
seriously, my time is hers. by that I mean that I'm not one of those guys that works 90hours a week, and then spends the rest of the time at the Elk's club swillin' hooch, or on the golf course or whatever. I work a typical schedule...do have a commute, but its not as bad as they come. But when I'm home, I'm too pooped to do much. weekends, I spend doing chores around the house. I can't get as much done as the next guy, because of my medical issues.
Bad things happen to good people. Bad things happen to bad people. Good things happen to good people. Good things happen to bad people. Everything happens to everyone.
After six years, I have moments where I think fondly of my late H (Saturday would have been his 67th birthday), but I can honestly say that I do not miss him and I'm not hurting over his death any more. It took a long time. I was never mad at God/the Universe or anything. I was mad that I was hurting so much, and I didnt want to hurt, but I didn't feel that I had been singled out for misfortune.
I read a bulletin board for widowed people and some of the stories there convinced me that a) I was perfectly normal in my feelings, b) they would eventually heal/pass, and c) others suffered much more trauma in the death of their spouse (losing spouse AND children at the same time in a car wreck; waking up in bed with legs entwined with spouse's as they had done for 30+ years-- only spouse was dead; spouse committed suicide and child found the body; spouse got drunk and accidentally burned down the house with himself and everything in it; spouse died suddenly-- turns out he hadn't paid taxes in years and surviving spouse had to sell house and move out immediately; spouse had been having a secret affair for years <sigh> My H and I loved each other. His last words to me before losing consciousness were "I love you." I don't have a lot to complain about.)
I also don't have the constant reminder every day as you do with health/career issues.
I'm not cynical. I don't believe in an indifferent, mechanical universe. I believe in meaning. I believe in love.
I can't shine light into your dark place. But YOU can look around and decide for yourself whether you can forgive the universe and open the windows in your heart. Being stuck in this place is only hurting you and your marriage. The universe is not suffering, so you can stop punishing it.
*sigh* 
