Chuck, you've let another little piece of the cat out of the bag... infertility, too? That is a very hard one. I haven't experienced it personally, but I've had friends who did. And it was very difficult... in fact, I believe the infertility issues and the reactions of both parties to their lack of success with in vitro attempts was the principal thing that undermined their marriage and eventually destroyed it. Not that alone, mind you, but the way she felt so alone during the process... and for a woman, I believe that is the closest thing to experiencing ED for a man-- the feeling that something that everyone else's body seems to be able to do your body cannot.
It's interesting the parallel-- you having the heart issues that destroyed your dream, and you as a couple having the infertility issues that presumably stressed your relationship.
Chuck, you have a lot to grieve. You and your wife have a lot to grieve.
Regarding other well-meaning but totally off-the-mark comments that people make: when my husband first lost his leg, I remember talking to a therapist about it, and I said it made me so sad, because one of the simple pleasures I had looked forward to (my H lost his leg after we were married 4 years) was long walks with my husband. The therapist said cheerfully, "Well, you can STILL take long walks by yourself, right?" <big smile>
