That will lead to sleepless nights. So many times I've "bucked up and taken it" (no not physical but the I say xyz type thing.)-- I felt myself making 'victim' status. I guess appreciation may be the real goal. 5LL and all. I've made it this far, sleepless nights of introspection and all.

First let me introduce the 3rd memember of this post--Dog9, 105lbs.
    Recently we determined that 9 years ago H didn't want the dog. Talk about communication! It's his big, macho dog! D can't even understand that one. So I've been working with the 9 year old who seems to have about as much arthritis as we do. H doesn't want to walk him, especially it seems since his castration last year in an effort to shrink his prostate. You don't think the two---? Have I just over thought this? Oh he gets outside for whatever but no stretching and running. I think our walks have helped the dog and me!

Now, there are little things I refer to as 'You pick on me'(I'm sure this started while trying to engage him in a discussion about his EDand related insecurities.) This morning was prime. I'm having some help with wall washing today, H agreed to take the dog dnstairs. We have a walk out b'ment, so I suggested he take the dog around the outside to avoid the stairs and help the dog out on a more gradual, better footing slope. I get this disgusted/infurriated look on his face.

M: What's that look all about?
H: Its going to lead to an argument.
M: NO, what was that expression all about!
H: There you go again, critisising what I'm doing. I have always taken the dog dn the stairs.
M: Didn't you say he got stuck on the stairs?
H: Not physically stuck like the nails under things.
M: So why don't you think that outside would be better?
H: You always pick on me. (those weren't his words but atm I don't remember, its a reoccuring theme)
M: Wha? I'm not picking on you. I'm not thinking of you here. The damn dog can't walk. I'm thinking of making it easier on him. Thats all. You have no fault in this.

There are so many little things like this. I haven't the strength to help him and me at the same time. He's not my 'job' but as partner aren't we suposed to be there for them? On the other hand, is this too much facilitating and I need to 'just be' and keep on challenging. Not challenging him but allowing him to challenge himself. This is so taxing on me and consuming. I should have done things differently, but didn't. Coming to grips with the now what's is where I'm stuck.

Pity me that the heart is slow to learn What the swift mind beholds at every turn. Edna St. Vincent Millay