Re LostGal I now have to find more outside diversions, similar to reading Lou's thread of outside stimuli.
finding outside stimulation might satisfy a need/want in you so you don't need as much attention from your H and it might make him notice you more, or not. Give it a try and see how it shakes out.

I seldom can stay "on topic."
Same problem till I told myself, come he!! or high water, "I'm" sticking to "one" point and the discussion wasn't about all of the R issues, it was about one and only one issue. BTW, that one issue does not have to be solved, just talked about honestly and openly w/o malice.

Oh hell! Yes I've said those things in desperation
Yes, I see that BB has done the same thing. Read my latest reply to Lil, the part where BB was not concerned I would ever have an A, then asked questions and looked for signs I was having an A, then saying I must be gay. At first I took her seriously, but not anymore. It's more a sign of her concerns not an accusation.

I have to figure out a way to be able to live with that for I know I'm not strong or balanced enough to toss him out
LostGal, I think too many people think either / or, black or white.

You don't have to toss him out. What could you find to do to fill in the voids. I know you have animals, what about things to do with similar aged or people with similar interests where you don't have to do work or where you only concern is to have a good time?

As far as not being strong enough, I tell myself I just haven't found the right combination of people or the right mix of activities.

One thing I learned while going to college at the age of 43, was not to say I am missing something or somehow not smart as someone else.

I had a good looking and intelligent single female professor as an advisor. It was an ego boost for me to be around her and her giving me advice and attention. I was really in a bad mental place.

I couldn't get a light duty job, couldn't do heavy work, felt like almost nothing because I was out of work (lost my primary identity)and not earning money to support my family which I felt I had to no matter what condition I was in.

Anyway, She said, that it didn't matter what I thought I was worth internally, or in your case I'm not strong or balanced enough . It was a matter of not being exposed to and practicing what a person needs at that point in his/her life.

To prove her point, she asked me to describe some scientific term I never heard before. I just said I didn't know. She asked how not knowing felt. I said it made me feel inferior/stupid compared to her.

She explained the theory and data that the word represented, and asked if I understood what the word meant and stood for. She asked me to tell her what the word meant to me now that I had the information and the theory explained, so I did.

She said, "now you know what I know about the word/concept" and said it can be mostly a matter of being willing to learn, and exposing yourself to new things and information than a matter, or not being strong enough, as in your case.

I don't know how to tell you to find the niche or information you need to feel caring/protecting giving/receiving and intimacy. I can feel caring for you to a degree, as a fellow poster, as others on the forum do, but I don't know how to make that felt by you or have it fix anything on your side of the screen.

no pleading to make love to me.
That is a problem that is faced by many of the SSM posters to varying degrees. I only can say {{{{{lostGal}}}}} to you and hope that helps a little.

H: You have said that my sexual disinterest has taken away your ability to give attentions on to me. You have said that this has also eliminated a tool to practice feminine wilds and be able to withhold as a manipulation factor.
So, are you saying, your H wants you to pursue or charm him even if he doesn't pursue you? He wants you to charm him because he fixes something or he does something like make coffee for you?

Is it like your H moved the swing for you and now he wants a back rub but will not touch you? I might not be seeing the question or the whole picture.

Work calls again.

Lou