Trying to be realistic and acepting. Trying to remember all the good reasons, and find them again, for the partnership in the first place. Trying to get over my cynicalness and trying not to invent too many words. I have some business stuff that isn't going too smoothly and I was reviewing what was said about the change in the beginning. Mainly "This is good for us" came to mind. Well my cynacism brought forth "The first letter in US is YOU!" For some reason that helped.
A mom dedicates herself to her spouse and kids and seldom does the selfish thing. Later when empty nesting sets in and you start to look around and want/need some "for me" consideration, the change in personality from giving 99% to taking at least 50% is a startle to those around her. If you understand that it is different for those around her too and try to be a bit flexible......well I'm hoping this will help.
I've started home improvement. ROFLOL the designer even sent back the first plans with no "Review these and we'll set up an appointment for modifications". He literally dumped em. But I got the leaks in the barn fixed, and the loft repaired so noone should fall thru the floor.
OOH the edging on the walks and patio has been done. OOH it looks nice. And I TRIED to really downplay the "its about time", (15 years) and was told, its so hard to do that for the crab grass just grows over em. Well, its about the no germination "halts" stuff in the spring and if you keep em edged the roots wont jump the air as much and....(ooh how tired I am of the excuses). It was discussed that once a year could be tried instead of once a decade! The place looks better and that is good for the spirit. It is so true what they say about girls being more concerned with their surroundings and as long as there is function, the guys not caring. I have found tho, if you compair your life to a classic car all buffed and polished and restored, there is a better understanding of why you have to get the screen redone or the window calked vs the cardboard patch for when the lawnmower thru a stone....
Well the place is looking better, and in that regard there is comfort. Sometimes he leans forward for a goodnight kiss. His eyes are tender, and I know he means well, yet so much has happened to suggest that he only thought to get climax and there was no emotional tie durring love making/sex that I wonder if I'll ever be able to believe that all guys just understand what to do to prime the gal for their own benefit and really don't mean anything by it in the giving/caring sense. OOOOH I'm jaded. Someone pls tell me I'm nuts and that there are those out there that mean to get close to a person intimately, tenderly, sincerly and have some sex too.
Pity me that the heart is slow to learn
What the swift mind beholds at every turn.
Edna St. Vincent Millay
