Attitude leads to Behaivior, Behaivior Leads to At

[Stigmata]

USSWEDE,

Well I like the swedish, in particular those 6' plus, blonde haired, blue eyed goddeses. Or was that Iceland...
of course I also like the dark haired, doe eyed girls in Ibiza. Wait am I coming off as a player???? (never been any of these places actually just some inside jokes about height and hair color around here.)


--LOL. clap-clap. Nice disclaimer, BF. I know this was painful/awkward to your usual unfiltered SOP. Analyzing...teasing sarcasm zapped LFL's "player" remark
obliquely/indirectly for LFL's benefit.

Indirect post "player" non sequitur, despite the deployment of sarcasm deflectors, indicates LFL comment managed to tweak BF's "how do I come across?" insecurity
button. Admittedly, not a very big button in BF's case but we all have them.

2. Offsetting the tall blonde comment with the brunette soft eyed comment as to not offend the genetically recessive amongst us places the book ends on
the women spectrum, BF, but you leave out the Asians, African based W, latin and everything in between. LOL. You knew you stepped in the s$%# as soon as
you started...Stigmata has learned from personal exp. not good to extoll blonde/blues in midst of burnette/browns, Asians etc. etc..

Of course your comment was meant for us XYs. So, ladies, relax. Garden variety male bonding/indentification; not statement of BF's "depth."

As for selfish, x was the one who called herself selfish repeatedly during/after affair. Called me things, but she never called me selfish. So I am going to have to differ. I am a giver, but if you give to much in the wrong was as a man, women lose respect and attraction.

--This last sentence is dead on, BF. Painfully true. I am the epitome of the result. Put x's needs ahead of own (most anyways) and tried to do everything possible to make her life easier/comfortable while together. Result? I became more of her "personal assistant." I used these same exact words in midst of earlier argument and after split she admitted that's how she started treating me.

--BTW, x is admittedly selfish. More I gave, more she took. Poor boundary skills. No one likes a "yes-man."
On Forgiveness/turning the other cheek...

I'll bastardize an WC Field's quote. I think there are some long-timers on this board, exp. in other forums, who might want to ponder this one:

"If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then, quit. There's no use being a damned fool about it."

As BF intones, forgiveness not a one-sided equation. The offender must put forth a strong remorseful, and, most importantly, unsolicited, effort to allow for the offendee to give out forgiveness. It is not free; it must be earned.

Finally, yes, As get whitewashed. A person who willingly engages in an A has a character flaw, primarily that of conflict avoidance, prurient self-interest/absorption, and entitlement. It's related to the POP (point-of-purchase) impulses that many a marketer has understood. It is why they put candy bars, Hollywood "dish" rags, and other "bad" items on the POP display at the cash registers.

You know it's bad for you. They know it's bad for you. But, hey, that Brad and Angelina article looks tittillating and that Snickers Bar woni't kill my diet--I can cheat a little?

(shudder. Now remembering how my heart would skp beat every time x would say it was okay to "cheat" on diet in time period after A.)

Argh. PMA sliding to NMA...gotta thought-stop now.

-Stigmata-