I think it was Stigmata who brought up the EGO issue. I think your ego will always get in your way and yes, even after an 8 year R with hot sex.

Actually I have brought it up since day one. Pride goeth before a fall. Its been reaffirmed several times. I did not have an ego just as we were failing. I was insecure. I stopped leading, and being a strong H. I put her on a pedastal. I developed fear after seeing her responding to OM initiations even though she was not conscious of it yet, and pushed her away emotionally as punishment.

She never accused me of aloofness. She berated me for not doing anything if I saw it happening. (she was naive) She berated me for pushing her away, when she had noone else to turn to in new city. She told me she would need me before/when we got there. so many things I know and tell guys here about, ughh this convo is making me ill.... my 'macho' confidance was not the problem, my problem was the same thing I talk to men about here. OK?

I can see how maybe your H seemed aloof, to you. I know you tried very hard before, and after he WA. OK? WA in itself is a killer emotionally. I have had your heaping helping and another (affair) on top.

So my H can abandon his family, move out into an apartment with absolutely no discussion with myself or the effect on the kids, but what? I should really make it work with him but you are a MAN so you don't have to put up with that crap? You can have pride but I can't? Hmpf

I am going to try to logical and emotional outburst by you but oh well. If my x had WA I would be acting in a completely different manner. Is that clear? She took up with OM, again, after my love busting evening, which happend to be her Bday. (yes I am one of the clueless men... )She either loves him, doesnt respect me, both, feels entiteled or I couldnt meet her needs during reconcil that she says I was, blah blah blah. I was clear. 1 time. not again. stop comparing. I know you have pain, hurt pride, insecurity, etc. You should post about them. I am sure I am not the only one who hopes you are succesful in your reconcil. Let us help, stubborn, willful, prideful girl. I wish I had this place before/ during reconcil. M/F dynamics are different. The same rules do not apply to us.

lay off the macho stuff a touch, NO open yourself up to your emotions, even the horrible ones, yes stop comparing yourself to others (and don't tell me you don't because I know that you do) maybe( how else can I self improve?), , work on the self-esteem issues (yes, I mean that), I dont currently have any be proud of who you are but not overly cocky, I am admit your faults and mistakes and I do. Thanks for that.
 (especially to the woman in your life).

But I am a hopeless romantic in the sense that I believe we can find people in this world that we connect with, emotionally, sexually, etc. When you find that, you should always fight for it. Even 10, 20 years later. I'm still fighting despite all the bs. Guess you just not a hopeless romantic. Big shocker.
Yes you should fight for it. Does that not apply to her? Hmpf. I didnt find one as evidenced by her WA twice and affair twice and D twice.
as for your big shocker. nice try.

I have the potential to make you "very uneasy". No, not really. I detest people who act as OM, OW. I wont be one in someone elses H perception. I ask myself, would I be ok with this behavior of a OM/friend? I have tread the line on this BB already, IMO. I am a hairbreadth from not posting to women here anymore, allready. I dont know how to prove my ideas to guys, without doing so a little bit. Why should they believe me without proof. Its pretty counter intuitive and not PC. I think I have allready, so if new ones come along, tough noodles for them if they dont believe me.

I don't appreciate you trying to make me look stupid to boost your own self-rightousness. Very unattractive and not cool. Lay off it

I parallel date when I am single. Its time efficient, I dont even know if I like a girl before 10 dates,(though I do know if I dont like her before then....) and it takes months to get to know someone. That doesnt make me a player. I would be happy to have an arranged marriage. I am honest and considerate of there right to choose, and feelings. I cant make you look stupid. You do fine on your own.... comeon I am kidding....

Operative word being TRUST. Also why is it strictly "women" need to fight this tendency? What about you? Are you saying you could never stop the tendency to not trust your ex in order to have a "healthy" R?

Yes the operative word is trust. how does trust come about? for both sexes, thru actions. I know where you are going with this. Stop comparing our sitches.

the tendancy I was talking about was.... sheesh would one of the women pipe up and smack LFL around? uhh. to keep trying to get a man to stop 'acting' manly, and then she loses attraction when he does.

Karen? help me out here.

GREAT!! you did it . I just acted needy and asked a woman for help. Congrats! you broke my macho exterior. I didnt even last a couple days on a BB with you. See how strong your H is? He kept up with you for years....

As for taking a deeper look at your responses, I do anyways just don't always get that across in the posts
I know. Just had to say it, though it takes all the fun out of being subtle.