Thanks for your response Lil. I have had on two occasions car windows shatter for no reason. They simply truned into glass spider webs while I was sitting /standing there. So FWIW, it happens sometimes. It is unsettling.
I have tried to get the attention of married men (more than once-- when I was younger) and hit the teflon coating Yes that would have been me-- teflon coated that is. One exception would have been with my production assistant. It simply snuck up on me becuase of proximity, and environment. some of the activities we engaged in because of the work, caused the same chemicals to fire off that happen in a new R. The body confuses the reason, or associates it with the person(s) there at the time.
This is my observation, and deducement from what I know of adrenal medullary hormones, and phsyc, 20/20 hindsight, not fact. Dr harley gives a very mild explanation of it and calls the need, recreational time. I assume there is some specific study and reference to it somewhere, becuase of his statements.
I guess I'm wondering what was the fissure in the R that made her susceptible to an A? When they came to that fork in the road, why didn't she put on the brakes?
When that fork came, I had emotionally cut her off for approx ~ 3 months. I saw what was happening. Why I did this instead of kicking OM out I could say, but honestly I cant tell you why. Partly becuase of my need to retreat to cave, partly my need to have value, Maybe because I feel as you if your SO has value, or is in love with you, then noone else has a chance. I guess I forgot to ask myself should she be In love with me.....
maybe as USSWEDE says and Cobra, becuase I am narcisstic. IF that is the case then she is better off without my incurable toxicity. I agree with Stigmata, and have said it is/was egotistical. Wont ever happen again.
I agree with HP you dont do that, no matter how good things are. it is not caring and protecting. Hence my guilt.
As for her putting on the brakes, she thought she was by letting OM know she loved him, but nothing could ever happen because of her love for me and marriage. she had no idea the firestorm of chemicals(emotions) this would cause her. She had never been down that road before. She fought her emotions, I fought my emotions(betrayal, anger expressed thru demands and ultimatums), we both tried, we both failed. I am not going to continue with struggling with someone in a A to practice my control over these emotions. My knowledge that a R needs respect and to have self respect trumps my need to be THAT self actualized. lol. Once again it boils down to value. If you have it you dont have to fight another for your SO. This is the one thing everyone on this board has. Their SO is still in the game, still thinks of you as the one they want. Some have abuse issues, some have actual LD, many of insecurity issues, some just need to work on being attractive but all have a captive audience at least.
Other R stressors, major move, career changes, loss of close ties to family for her. For me insecurity due to my seeming lack of success with career change. Didnt happen as expediantly as I am used too. I dont deal well with failure in myself. I hand myself a good beatin when I do. This behavior is NOT attractive to women.
oh yeah, I'm assuming something (being teflon like) like this is true for the married woman, too. In my observations this is not true. I wont say there are not exceptions, or educated, experienced, ladies out there. Women are designed to follow a strong, leading, man. If one enters their life, that appears(hence the need to percieve) to be more so then their current one they will. 66% of D is filed by women. How many 'nice guys' make up this percentage? How many abusers? Most are neglect, and a womans perception of neglect is much different then a mans....
Which gives me another thought..... Humans are the only ones who feel the need to guard their Harems. Think kings, eunachal (is that a word?) guards, etc. All others animals that have harems, merely fight off other males, establish there S&R value, aplha male status. Once that is done the females dont wander off. There is no forced staying by the male, or fighting with females. That I can think off at the moment....
