Quote: I was asking for your opinon of my actions in M/R/A. I want to know your opinion because you are a woman, the personality type I percieve you as, and the life experiences you have had.
Sorry I didn't get to this sooner. I've had a very bizarre day. I came outside this morning and the rear window of my car was completely shattered. I live in the country and hunting season did start last weekend, but my driveway is right outside my bedroom. I can't believe I or my bf or my dog wouldn't have heard something. Very disorienting. I thought you were asking me for my reaction to the back-and-forth between you and TS. But you are asking me about your sitch and your W? Is that right? Let me make sure I understand the story as you see it. You were very busy with work and you allowed (and even encouraged) a situation to develop where your W and best friend became too close and eventually had an affair. You blame yourself in part for letting this situation happen. You also blame them, but you give yourself a big chunk of the responsibility. My own experience has been that an outside cannot lure someone into an affair if there is not already a crack in the relationship. I know others do not believe me. But I have tried to get the attention of married men (more than once-- when I was younger) and hit the teflon coating. Other married men put out signals that let you know they would be open to something-- particularly if you (the woman) are willing to be the one who makes it happen. I'm assuming something like this is true for the married woman, too. When these two were thrown together a lot, there was a point at which one or both of them KNEW where it was headed. He or she or both had the choice to stop right then and there. But maybe one pushed and the other agreed, or maybe they both had the same idea at the same time. You are not to blame for this. Is this what you're asking me? As for now... I understand the people on the board (women mostly) who are saying, clearly you still have feelings for her, why not give it another chance, etc. I guess I'm wondering what was the fissure in the R that made her susceptible to an A? When they came to that fork in the road, why didn't she put on the brakes? If you gave this woman your heart and soul and she betrayed you, I can understand not wanting to go back. If you two got back together, it wouldn't be the same as it was. The innocence has been shattered. You might or might not be able to rebuild something. If I were you at this point, I would probably move on. I've posted that quote in a couple of places that says you can love someone and still leave them. Love isn't enough to build and sustain a R. It's only a start. I don't know whether I've addressed any of the issues you asked about. Please clarify and I would be only too happy to say more.
