I think you need to focus on why you get so mad when she wants to come back.
And, have you ever read the threads by csw? GREAT stuff there. Guy has a philandering W, he fixes his own contributions to the mess and then flat out tells her what she needs to do in order to be a part of his life again. AND SHE DOES IT!
I think there are marriages out there that definitely shouldn't be saved but yours...yours..I have a hard time seeing why it doesn't warrant more effort.
You know, Blackie, I was pissed off for a long time about my H getting so obssessed with religion that he didn't know if he wanted to be married anymore. (this after we already had a child!) He had already emotionally abandoned me and the thought of physical abandonment was simply too much for me to handle. I stayed angry for a long time, my friend.
I will not tell you to lose the anger or strive for forgiveness or any of that trite-but-true stuff, I will just tell you that it IS possible to forgive someone a terrible wrong and, what's more, it is possible to move on to a wonderful life with them.
I'm not trying to compare my H's wrongs to your wife's wrongs--and I hope it doesn't come out that way--only trying to say that people make horrible mistakes in marriage all the time. And recover from them.
Let me ask you this: Have you ever thought through the process--from your end--and decided what would have to happen before reconciliation can take place? Such as 1. She will have no contact with OM. 2. She will........ETC.
It seems that you want--or rather EXPECT--that she will do certain things, but I'm not at all clear whether you and she know what these things are.
