HP What I think is that I shouldnt have to read her mind. Its not that I am not interested or disinterested in her overtures, if that is what they are, its that they are not what is needed. Gonna take more then a song.
something you said keeps repeating in my head. how do you right a wrong that is this destructive?
I dont know either. and I am not just talking about hers. I dont think you do right it. you just live with it.
I may not respond to contacts but that is because there is nothing to respond to. When she says call me at the end of a voice mail, I do. Normally she doesnt just says 'ok just wanted to let you know'
When an email is reminiscing what is there to respond too?
How will I know if it is the right time? I have no idea. that is up to her to let me know, now isnt it.
She didnt go to much trouble to get me the song. Background OM and I lived together in AK for a 3 years. He is a really really good musician/guitarist. IMO. Great voice. In fact one of his personally written songs that I have is about being in love with a married woman.
Its pretty good other then content. anybody want to hear it?
He sounds like the frigging radio when he plays and sings. I can play guitar too but not like that. I dont spend 2 plus hours a day on it. We used to go down to the dock and play together and flirt with chicks coming off the cruise ships. Good times.
any way, x loves to sing, the three of us would do this together. When we came back to Calli, she bought net video camera, and microphone and recording software, etc. He records himself singing and playing, and she records herself onto it also.
So her recording herself singing and emailing it to me, isnt that big a stretch or took much effort on her part. Its first time she did it for me, but doenst really do much for me considering.
Whatever she has with OM is over and done with
Im sorry. (did I just say that?) How do you know this? I dont know this. I dont know why it is if it is true. and yes it matters why. as she has repeatedly said OM has nothing to do with me/us. She was thinking about Divorcing me anyway. She moved to other state, away from family and friends, where she would be alone, only cursorily knew OM at the time, but she planned on D'ing me in the few short months we were there? and living on her own, taking care of herself for not only first time ever in her life, but on the money she made. Possible, in state we lived in but sure a big step down. Uh huh. And then moved back here? whence we both gave up careers, though we have both actually done unbelivably well since returning in that area.. Uh-huh. that song -one thing- by finger eleven always comes to mind when I look at my/our careers now.
I believe LFL said that to me also. Om has nothing to do with it/me.
she's gotta dump him and piss him off, too, in addition to dealing with your anger over the whole thing. No one wants to be hated and despised--
I dont hate or despise her. I really hope things work out for her. I did loathe and despise her the day I found out she filed, and that she had lied about doing it 6 months ago. I am really ready for some female company in my life. Again my anger only occurs when she wants to come back. I have to logical myself to the extreme. and it leaks out. and I am tired from fighting hard for our survival. I think its best to just ignore her. It gives her no security, and we can both rest. Her and OM are not my concern.
Her dumping him and pissing him off has nothing to do with me. Last time he sent me and a large majority of our mutual friends a email containing a couple pictures of them and love letters from her to him.
That was nice. You know I dont even think of him as a rat bastard, he has a lot of good qualities if he would stop with the married women. but his philosophy on life and R's is pretty set and reinforced by his actions. more of a ant, step on it dont step on it, either way no biggie.
Help her? No, I most certainly am not willing.
Right now, she's walking in the dark and fog wondering where the hell she put herself.
This stopped being my concern when she walked out the door. I treated her like we were married the day she walked in the door. People here mention loss of EC after days or weeks. ( yes I realize there are years of trying also.) I have memories, and loss, but EC? No. I have actually been in her presence.... 5, 6 times in past 6 months?
The best I can give this whole thing is it is some kind of game, or test, that I want to fail. Its too far outside of acceptable marital behaivior to be a part of, for me. I didnt care for and protect my marriage. I am reaping what I sowed.
I have to go read those darn Deida books Lil and OG are talking about. I need to focus on my navel.
