About a year into my M I realized my H didn't think I "needed" him...it didn't matter that I "wanted" him and was in the R because I wanted to be, the fact that I appeared not to "need" him affected him in a bad way. He needed to take care of me in some ways to feel needed.
I can really relate to this. My W thinks and says she does not really need me, that if she had to do all the things I do, she could. If I had more security in our relationship, I would take this comment as a source of pride – “Hey guys, look what kind of multi-talented woman I’ve got.” Instead her staying with me because she wants to does not hold much comfort. I am pretty sure that right now she does not want me. If I know she needs me, I actually feel more comforted. She may be able to change her mind about wanting me, but her need for me (whatever that need is) cannot change as easily. In this way, I am empowered. When she just wants me, she is empowered. To me, this is why being needed is a big deal for men.
