Quote: Would XH consider letting "HIS' daughter stay with you while he goes out and explores the world on his own? Let him move to the city....alone, if you aren't 100% sure that YOU want to
I was going to ask the same question but was afraid to. I don't know if you have posted about it earlier but what about her mother? Is she in the picture at all? If not, then the way you say your XH would pawn her off on anyone to not have to deal with her and be able to go out and party. It would be good for her to stay with you. At least this way she is with someone she knows cares about her. I hope you get all this worked out for you and the kids.
So when he makes those plans, it's just him and D9 included??
He never said us. It was all “him” and “his daughter”. No mention of me or my daughter. I wouldn’t move to the city anyway. I do not feel it is a place to raise a child.
What happened to when he was in CA and said he missed you? where did that go?
Who knows. I think it was just a slip using “all” instead of “the kids”.
Would XH consider letting "HIS' daughter stay with you while he goes out and explores the world on his own?
I wish like hell he would. I would do it in a heart beat. But he wouldn’t do this.
I don't know if you have posted about it earlier but what about her mother?
She lives in CA living in the woods and is on drugs. She hasn’t had a lot to do with D9 or D9’s half brother in a long time.
Well I’ve been looking at apartments. Just to get a feel for prices in the two towns I would live in. Kind of makes me sad to be doing this. Again. I had so many hopes for us to make it this time. And up until a few weeks ago I really believed things would be okay. I had a feeling that this trip would only give him more reason to give up and it did. But I can’t fix him. And he’s not willing to do it himself. So I don’t really look at it as me giving up but as me seeing things for what they really are – a man that’s so unhappy inside that nothing outside of himself is going to make a difference. I can only move on with my life to be happy and hope that one day he is able to do the same.
I am sorry it has come to this for you (again). I had such hope that you all would work through this. Sometimes it makes me wonder if I am dumb to continue trying. Why? All it leads to is more heart ache.
Quote: a man that’s so unhappy inside that nothing outside of himself is going to make a difference
I am so afraid you have hit the nail on the head here and this is how my H will be. He is so unhappy now and I don't know what to do to help him. He has admitted he is unhappy being away from home but is so afraid of coming back to what we had. He can't see that we could have better.
At least you can say you tried. You did everything in your power to make it work. Hold your head up and be proud of that.
You still inspire me with all the strength you have. I wish I had 1/2 as much as you do.
Quote: I am so afraid you have hit the nail on the head here and this is how my H will be. He is so unhappy now and I don't know what to do to help him. He has admitted he is unhappy being away from home but is so afraid of coming back to what we had. He can't see that we could have better.
Hope, our guys are on the same rope. What should we do with them? Cut the rope? or give them slack and let them hang themselves. I don't know. I do know that as much as I hurt right now, I do NOT want to give up, yet. I am going to keep plugging away at this mess some more. I wish you for your happiness on your journey down the trail. Keep your eyes on the horizon.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
I am starting to feel really bad for his daughter. And I am starting to feel more angry at your H.
I think he proved he really is out of his mind. Wanting to move to the city would make him happy?!?!?!? WTF? Noisy, crowded, (often) filthy, dangerous. Ugh!
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
Guys I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring anyone else down with me. I honestly believe that if you still have hope in your sitch that you should not give up. Everyone is different and I pray that each of you end up with a different outcome than mine.
Right now I just want to cry. The thought of starting over again, moving, dating, letting XH go completely is getting to me. It's too much. And god only knows when it's going to happen. Part of me doesn't want to do this. Part of me wants to keep fighting. What I didn't say this earlier was that XH and I ML this morning. If you can call it that. But we did. I started it but he had no problem with it. We've gotten along great today. I know that last night when XH told me his plans he had been drinking. I still believe it is what he wants to do, but should I wait to see if he continues with it or drops it like he has so many other things? I'm so confused and hurting right now. I just want to be happy. I've spent the last six years with this man. Most of them have been in drama. I really thought this time would be different. Maybe give it a few days and see? Just cut my loses now and put the house up for sale? I don't know what to do. I pray to God for a clear path, but I still haven't seen one. The only things I know for sure is I love him and I want to stop hurting. Tonight we're going to the concert. I wish I could be excited (I really do want to see the bands that are playing) but I just can't do it. I figure since I have nothing, absolutely nothing, to lose I will put on a happy face and try to make tonight as fun as I can. I just wish it would matter.
If anyone feels they have the answer, please share.
Well, I wouldn't worry about dating yet because no matter what happens with you and XH, you are NOT ready to date so I would put that thought out of your head.
The best advice I can give (and it's how I cope) is not to think of the future and just take each day as it happens, try to enjoy the good times like concerts etc and not analyse stuff too much.
When I look too far ahead I always end up picking a fight with my XH and making myself miserable. We get on better when I go with the flow.
I can't tell you how long to 'try' for, but only what helps me deal with my sitch.
Quote: I've spent the last six years with this man. Most of them have been in drama. I really thought this time would be different. Maybe give it a few days and see? Just cut my loses now and put the house up for sale? I don't know what to do.
If it has been 6 years, what is a couple more months to get through the holidays? Maybe if you approach it as lets get through the holidays and then you all can discuss what the next step is maybe it will take the pressure off of both of you. Don't beat yourself up over this. From your post I know you love your XH and want things to work out and have done everything in your power but on the other hand, you want to just give up and give in. A person can only take so much. I think you are at the end of your rope and you don't know whether to let go or hang on. This is a decision only you can answer. I don't think it is one God can help you with. I hope that doesn't sound mean but I think now you really need to do some soul searching.
Quote: The only things I know for sure is I love him and I want to stop hurting.
If you figure a way to stop hurting, please let me know. I know what you are going through here. Some days I wonder if I should just give up and then I see a spark of something in his eyes and just know I need to hang on.
Quote: Tonight we're going to the concert. I wish I could be excited (I really do want to see the bands that are playing) but I just can't do it. I figure since I have nothing, absolutely nothing, to lose I will put on a happy face and try to make tonight as fun as I can. I just wish it would matter.
Please have a good time tonight. Not for him but for you. Go out and enjoy yourself. If you go to the concert feeling lousy you won't have any fun. Try to put your problems in the back of your head for awhile. Just for tonight. Give you brain time to relax, give your heart time to heal some.
Quote: Guys I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring anyone else down with me. I honestly believe that if you still have hope in your sitch that you should not give up. Everyone is different and I pray that each of you end up with a different outcome than mine.
You didn't bring me down, it is upsetting to see anyone go through this. I try to stay upbeat but some days I just can't do it. Every situation is different and each person has to continue until they feel it is the end. I am only in the middle of my rope right now. I can go either way.
Hope....go out tonight, let your hair down and have lots of fun.
