Something Like "Normal"

[Just_Me]

Sorry to hear that you reached this point Hope, but I'm proud you made this stand.

Forgive me if I'm generalizing or being negative, but there does seem to be this tendency on the board to rationalize or make excuses for the walk away spouse (ie they are in MLC, the aliens got him/her) or otherwise always think the best of the S/XS. I've read threads where the LBS talks about, even mentions to their spouse, how they know they were controlling, distant, or didn't spend enough time with them and meanwhile talk about the WAS's many positive traits.

It's okay I think to realize our faults and the actions that contributed to the breakdown of the marriage, but there comes a time, especially given the effort many of us have made to improve ourself, when we have to realize our own merits and the positive contributions we could make in a healthy relationship. And when appropriate we have to realize that perhaps the person that we hope to reestablish a relationship with isn't the best one for us and maybe never will be. There is always more than one way to look at a situation, but always looking from the perspective of the WAS and "taking their side" isn't always the right way. We each in our own time need to decide when enough is enough and move on without criticism or cajoling to "try again". Despite our best efforts, sometimes the best thing to do for ourselves is to walk away from a situation that is not in our best interest. Even when we feel we love someone, maybe especially when we feel we love someone, we need to take a step back and ask ourselves if a relationship with this person we feel we want so badly is worth it. If you've reached that point Hope then I support your decision 100%.