Hope, BIG HUGS!! I am so sorry for the hurt you are feeling. I wish there was an easy way to take it all away. Some way to know the answers, know how things will turn out, etc. Just know that you are a very strong individual, you have a beautiful spirit. Hang in there, take care!
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.