Thanks for posting on my thread yesterday. I have read through some of your sitch and I can really understand where you are, to a large extent. My H is not living with me, but before he left, he was treating my like yours is for about a year or two: out 5 nights a week, never home for dinner w/ family, emotionally withdrawn, but would occasionally throw me a few crumbs. I am just now, after over 2 months, starting to see that there really could be a life without him. Do I want it? I don't know. I still love him, too. We are both in IC, and I think that is helping him a lot, and may help us as a couple. As you say, if your XH can't give you what you need in a R, then you need to find your own way. And I know, I know, it's so hard, but you can can do it! And you may not have a lot of money, but at least you won't be emotionally broke.
Best, Nicola
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
Well I spend all day yesterday having a great time. Shopping with my girl friend and the kids in the morning then shopping and doing girly stuff with my sister in the afternoon. Then went to girl friend's house and we got ready to the party. I went as a gypsey and looked damn good. The party was okay. Didn't know but a few people. Met some interesting people and had fun people watching. We went back to girl friend's house and watched TV until we all fell asleep.
XH never called once yesterday. It's very strange how I feel right now. Part of me really doesn't want him to come back. It's been so nice just being with the kids and there being no drama. It makes me sad to say that.
I have no idea what is going to happen in the next few weeks but I know that things are going to be3 different. I've finally figured out how to detach. But it took me giving up on him for it to happen. My fear is that as I detach and let go, because of him being a CP, it will draw him back in again. I'm not sure I want to keep playing this game. Since reading about CPs I've done a lot of looking back on how XH has acted over the past few years. This is a horrible cycle that he won't do anything to change.
I've also noticed changes in me. Like fear. I'm afraid to even day dream about caring about someone else or about having someone care about me. I know that things will change in time, once I've healed some. But I don't believe I will ever be that carefree loving person I was five and a half years ago. I don't believe I will forever be alone but it will take a lot before I'll be able to not constantly fear the worst from people. That's not the type of person I was two years ago, and now these last four months have left me jaded and ruined. Broken.
Can I just tell him I'll take care of his daughter and I'll mail him is stuff, that way he won't ever have to come back?
I swear I just don't get myself these days. I'm completely ready to give up on him and then he calls me today. He tells me all about his fun time he's having and then he talks to the girls for a bit. Then the phone comes back to me. He actually asks about my day. And then he says it. Words that made my heart race and everything I thought I knew and understood went blury, "I've had a lot of fun out here but I'm really ready to come home. I miss you all a lot." Not I miss the kids, or I miss home, but I miss you all. Grrrr! I really was doing so much better.
I am going through something similar. H was showing some signs of feelings, but he got so confusing that I asked him to stop contact with me and, guess what? life with no drama is actually pretty good! At the same time, however he wanted to discusse the big D this weekend but hasn't contacted me about it, so I know he will be back to playing games because he is still not sure. It's torture! Will that ever end???
Hope - I am sorry for all of the confusion you have going on in your life. You know that I can relate with confusion! I'm happy that you had a fun weekend and that you were able to have a good time! Hang in there, I'm praying for you, I'm here for you.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
Now I just wonder how it's going to be when he gets home. Am I glad he's coming home? I don't know. These past few days have been wonderful with the girls and me. No stress, no drama, no worries. Just doing my thing and having fun. Guess we'll see. But I have NO expectations that anything will be different.
He did finally find the card in his suitcase. He said he liked it a lot. Guess that's a good thing. Maybe I just don't care. I'm in a strange mood today.
Damn me and my expectations. I just scored awesome tickets to a concert that sells out in less than a minute everytime this band comes to town. Called XH to tell him, expecting that he'd at least be surprised, at least say thank you. Nope, but he did complain about having to leave CA and come home. "It sucks." was how he put it.
Gonna grab a glass of wine and day dream about boxing all his stuff up and sending it to him with a card saying "Don't worry about coming back, we're better off with out you!"
My exMIL just called. She told me all about how great XH looked, how happy he was, how wonderful he acted. Then of course she asks all kinds of questions about D9, barely even asking about D11. I want out. I want out of this R. I want out of his family that is so onesided. I want out of all this maddness and confusion and pain. I don't want to play this game anymore with him. I'm broken deep down inside and I give up. I've had it. He has made it very clear over and over again that it is not life that makes him miserable, it is me. And in turn all he can do his hurt me. It's over.
