Well I spend all day yesterday having a great time. Shopping with my girl friend and the kids in the morning then shopping and doing girly stuff with my sister in the afternoon. Then went to girl friend's house and we got ready to the party. I went as a gypsey and looked damn good. The party was okay. Didn't know but a few people. Met some interesting people and had fun people watching. We went back to girl friend's house and watched TV until we all fell asleep.
XH never called once yesterday. It's very strange how I feel right now. Part of me really doesn't want him to come back. It's been so nice just being with the kids and there being no drama. It makes me sad to say that.
I have no idea what is going to happen in the next few weeks but I know that things are going to be3 different. I've finally figured out how to detach. But it took me giving up on him for it to happen. My fear is that as I detach and let go, because of him being a CP, it will draw him back in again. I'm not sure I want to keep playing this game. Since reading about CPs I've done a lot of looking back on how XH has acted over the past few years. This is a horrible cycle that he won't do anything to change.
I've also noticed changes in me. Like fear. I'm afraid to even day dream about caring about someone else or about having someone care about me. I know that things will change in time, once I've healed some. But I don't believe I will ever be that carefree loving person I was five and a half years ago. I don't believe I will forever be alone but it will take a lot before I'll be able to not constantly fear the worst from people. That's not the type of person I was two years ago, and now these last four months have left me jaded and ruined. Broken.
Can I just tell him I'll take care of his daughter and I'll mail him is stuff, that way he won't ever have to come back?
