You still need to start thinking about yourself. Pretend it's just you and your daughter (shouldn't be too hard) and there is no one to answer to but yourself and perhaps the police (if you get too carried away). Do the things that make you happy.
My Reply: Okay, for the hundredth time, I know this. It's just easier said than done. I do things for myself. I do my craft projects and I read, and I watch TV shows that I enjoy. I work in the yard. I write poems and stories. I do things with my kids. I love on my cats. I email my friends. I try to give the best advice I can to those on the BB. I do home improvement stuff around the house. All things I enjoy that I do for me, that has nothing to do with XH.
I don't do much outside of the house. I don't like bars that much. I don't have a lot of friends that like to go out. I don't like to go out alone. I'm okay with that. I guess my version of life isn't like most people's. I'm sorry. Should I fill my life with things that I don't want to do just so other people will think I have a life? That's no different that doing what XH says to do. Wes, there is no easy answer to make my life better. If I stay with him, I'll hurt. He's mean and uncaring and hurtful. If I tell him to go, I'll be broke and alone, but maybe not so lonely. If I go, then there are other issues to deal with. No easy answer.
When he gets home, we're going to talk. If he wants to leave, I won't ask him to stay. It's been four months and he's made it clear that he's not going to do anything to make things better, nor is he willing to treat me with kindness or respect. I can't live with someone who seems hell bent on making my life unhappy. I deserve more and I know I can have it.
Yes, I know that XH is a CP. Realized it yesterday when I read your post NYS. He fits it perfectly. I also now know that there is nothing else I can do to save this R, except let go. I know that he can't/won't give me what I need in a R to be okay. He will keep pushing. Well he can push all he wants, I won't be there any longer to take it.
If I detach, it's not going to make him want to love me. If I distance myself, it's not going to change the problem. I can't make XH work on himself, and at this point he's made it very clear that he doesn't see himself as needing to change.
Yes, there are things in me I need to work on. And I am. I am not the same person I was four months ago, both good and bad. I've learned to let go of a lot things. I've also lost the ability to trust and to not always look for the bad in people.
XH takes no responsibility for any of our problems now or in the past. He doesn't feel he has anything to work on. He's lost. I'm tired of playing this game anymore. I know the outcome of the talk we'll have. I know it will be over, but then at least maybe there will be a chance of saving what is left of me.
