But imagine this <snip> Now tell me...is she better off before or now? And what do you do?
What it is is that you're in the same relationship as before, replaying it.
1. The previous version of the relationship ended, and H looked back and wanted it back again.
2. It starts off fantastic again, but then when it moves past the "honeymoon" stage, H starts to distance himself.
3. He distances himself by being hostile and by throwing things at you, things that were there from day 1 that he knew. Your activities that you favor.
4. So you try to mold yourself more into his vision of what he's telling he wants, in order to have him draw closer.
5. But no matter what you do or how hard you try, it's never good enough and he distances himself further, notably, by being unaccountable, seeing other women.
6. He keeps you off balance by sometimes being loving, sometimes not.
What's that spell? "Commitment Phobe".
He can't leave, he can't stay. Ultimately, his distancing techniques will get worse and worse until you break the relationship, or he'll just leave.
You can stay in this struggle with him, but only by distancing yourself. You're not going to achieve the intimacy you thought was there.
This is not a healthy relationship. This is abuse.
Insofar as relationship expectations of being open, i.e., telling you his goings on, he's not going to tell you. He's going to restrict you from doing so and set boundaries on what you can or not say or do. This is to keep distance intact in the relationship. (what I was offering by way of advice is personally handling expectations is how to detach for one's own mental peace of mind, not suggesting that one be a doormat and accept abuse).
