but if you werer 3000 miles away from your kids, wouldn't you call back later? Or at least leave a message?
This is you imprinting your thoughts about what you would do, unto others.
NYS brought up some good points. I shouldn't expect anything of anyone. Just because I think I should be treated with love and respect doesn't mean anyone else believes that.
To fine tune that point, let's say that "Just because I think I should be treated with love and respect" does not mean that you will receive such from everyone you think should return such.
Just because I believe people should be respectful and honest, doesn't mean others think that way. But come on, how realistic is that???
Very. Don't you think there are quite a number of people out there who mistrust the intents of others? Aren't there also people out there who think they're "honest" but don't mind lying when it serves their interest? Aren't there any rude people out there who don't treat others respectfully?
The point of my previous post to you was not about accepting H's behavior... it's about changing your perception of having certain expectations because it impacts you negatively, and it's YOU that's does that to you, and it's YOU who suffers, so it was YOU I'm trying to help. I'm certainly not here to enable your H in whatever he's doing.
You have a vision of a decent world, where people do the right things (according to your sense of what the right things are). That's wonderful, but we don't live in that world. When we try to live our lives according to our ideal, we invariably encounter situations and people who conflict with that. How we choose to act when that happens is either going to help or hurt us.
For example, you've been waiting on a long line, and someone rudely crashes the line in front of you. You calmly tap them on the shoulder and point out that there's a line, you've been waiting on it... but instead of them offering an apology and scooting to the back of the line, they tell you something about how they were on line earlier and were told to come back to the head of the line, or they insist on staying there claiming they only have one item, or they just brush you off or whatever.
Well, of course if they do any of those things besides taking their proper place at the back of the line, you've got quite the right to be angry. But what do you do with that? Is it your tendency to fume a bit about the outrageous behavior displayed toward you? Do you let it slide reasoning that it's temporary and soon will be over and let it go? Do you dwell on the indignation you feel that this person is slighting you? Do you steam inwardly labeling the person as a jerk? Do you feel that if you let it go that you're not being true to yourself? Do you turn to the cashier for assistance, but the cashier shrugs and offers no help, so now you fume some more?
The point being, that your reaction to when things don't pan out the way you think it should, and for which you may entirely be correct, affect your feelings according to the thoughts you give it.
So, if we're talking about what is "realistic" here, realistic would be that there are some people in the world that crash lines and refuse to move. That if you ask for help from the cashier and the cashier doesn't remedy the situation, that this will happen too. Realistic is that you have the right to be angry. Realistic is also that there are some things you cannot control. Realistic is that not everything or everybody will pan out in your favor. Realistic is that you asserted yourself with dignity, and did what you could do. But to stew, or fume, or get stay angry or dwell on the indignity, that only hurts you, and does not affect or change the situation. That's a disservice to yourself and sense of well-being.
That's all I'm saying to change, for your own peace of mind.
The only thing you can do is what your heart tells you to do.
We hear this sentiment often, but the heart is fickle and plays tricks on us. Look at what following their "heart" does to a WAS! We have to train our hearts to follow us, rather than be led around by them. Otherwise, we're reacting on our emotions, rather than acting on our intellect. We have to get our hearts to be in accord with our heads.
